> Watch this space bargain hunter, money saver fashionista's ;-)
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Sunday 9 September 2012
Jumper bag!!
> Watch this space bargain hunter, money saver fashionista's ;-)
>
Tuesday 24 July 2012
Friday 6 July 2012
TitShirt
I've had some funny looks when I'm wearing it haha
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Hey, it's OK.....
Short and sweet and sure made me smile :-)
Monday 4 June 2012
Grazia feedback "Can we ever forgive domestic violence"
I read this article in this weeks Grazia which inspired me to send some feedback which I would like to post on my blog page. I'm sure some willo find it controvercial but ever the outspoken woman I will share my opinions anyway and show my appreciation that we live in a world where different individuals can have their difference's of opinions and still live happily alongside each other. I do love a god debate or two, or three or four hahaha:......
I'd like to give my controversial opinion on this weeks conversation "can you ever forgive domestic violence?" I don't agree with violence from men but as a psychologist I can attempt to understand!
Any behaviour is learned or programmed and when someone has an undesirable behaviour in order to halt it the behaviour has to be unlearned or past issues and influences need to be addressed by a professional!
I guess many would say I am not in a position to be opinionated as I have never suffered domestic violence but I am strong minded in that I am solid in my belief that if I ever did I would be out of the door straight away, the same way as when I discovered an ex had cheated on me then the relationship was swiftly brought to an end. In the same case as girls who's guys cheat on them and they take them back again and again and he cheats again and again what message is she sending to the cheater "it's ok to cheat on me because I will take you back" I can understand giving anyone a second chance but a third, fourth, fifth and so on is inviting trouble. My controversial opinion is that the same goes for violence in relationships, if they can get away with it once their patterns of behaviour are okayed and they possess no real desire to change, why would they?
Women who stay in violent relationships can be accused of being as much to blame as the violent men and in affect in need of professional help also to address the past and internal influences that warrant their own reasoning in staying and being subjected to such treatment. What psychological issues tell them they deserve what they allow to happen to them again and again? I have whitnessed numerous times a good few friends who have suffered violent relationships, who are still in the relationship over ten years down the line. Their guys are not as violent physically but their anger at times still remains and my concern is the affect it could have on the children in the relationship!
I'd like to give my controversial opinion on this weeks conversation "can you ever forgive domestic violence?" I don't agree with violence from men but as a psychologist I can attempt to understand!
Any behaviour is learned or programmed and when someone has an undesirable behaviour in order to halt it the behaviour has to be unlearned or past issues and influences need to be addressed by a professional!
I guess many would say I am not in a position to be opinionated as I have never suffered domestic violence but I am strong minded in that I am solid in my belief that if I ever did I would be out of the door straight away, the same way as when I discovered an ex had cheated on me then the relationship was swiftly brought to an end. In the same case as girls who's guys cheat on them and they take them back again and again and he cheats again and again what message is she sending to the cheater "it's ok to cheat on me because I will take you back" I can understand giving anyone a second chance but a third, fourth, fifth and so on is inviting trouble. My controversial opinion is that the same goes for violence in relationships, if they can get away with it once their patterns of behaviour are okayed and they possess no real desire to change, why would they?
Women who stay in violent relationships can be accused of being as much to blame as the violent men and in affect in need of professional help also to address the past and internal influences that warrant their own reasoning in staying and being subjected to such treatment. What psychological issues tell them they deserve what they allow to happen to them again and again? I have whitnessed numerous times a good few friends who have suffered violent relationships, who are still in the relationship over ten years down the line. Their guys are not as violent physically but their anger at times still remains and my concern is the affect it could have on the children in the relationship!
I think Rihanna did the best thing she could have done at the time and the public judgement I imagine was hugely influential and I'm wondering if in normal circumstances she may have taken him back at the time had it not been for the media pressure. I think Chris has learned a huge lesson, most violent men hide their sins in silence with the abused women lying and hiding the real reasons for their cuts and bruises. If their behaviour had been outed for all to see perhaps they would see the error of their ways sooner, be shamed and shocked into a change in their learned behaviour pattern.
Only Rihanna and Chris know the full extent of what brought him to his outburst and if so long down the line Rihanna can forgive him then I would say who are we to judge!
Let and let live I say, maybe she can forgive but she will never forget, neither of them can because there's a whole lot of opinionated people out there busy enough to not allow it!!
Thursday 31 May 2012
Sticks and Stones!
We all live our lives through a cloud of hate,
From others whom determine our fate.
Or that's what we have been lead to believe,
When in reality it is OURS to perceive.
For that which we choose to see and to hear,
Is simply manufactured through our very own fear.
Fear of non acceptance, fear of not fitting in
To a society of control, our place in it to win.
Yet who we are and how we behave
Is that which would be written upon our grave.
She was a mother, writer, poet and friend,
We are simply a product of whom WE intend.
And any cruel judgements, criticisms, insults and lies
Are only as true as the tears that she cries.
So choose not to shed them, refuse to surrender,
For we can but only be that which WE render!
I am who I am and I am not what THEY think,
My courage and good heart shall never sink.
The echoes of their negativities I will suffer no longer,
As that which doesn't kill me will only maker me stronger!!!
Missing the beauty!!
And so here we are, existing, working on life's treadmill to earn money to sustain life's demands.
Bills to pay, a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, food on our plates. Collecting necessities that require our maintenance! Our heads filled With the constant worry and concern of getting by, scraping through on what we have been programmed to believe is our purpose, to keep the cup of societies glass topped up.
No time to stop, the kids need to be dropped off to school.
No time to stop, grocery shopping needs to be done.
No time to stop, need to be on time for work. Slugging away, grinding, superficially entertaining egotistical mangers or colleagues!
Then it's home time and the train is filled with an array of similar characters all with their own story, feeling their own misery having been on the same treadmill as us all that day. No wonder there is nothing but miserable faces on the tube, silence and not a slight of eye contact or generous gesture. All wanting to get home as stead fast as they can.
At home awaits them bills to sort out, dinner to cook, and the kids to tend to, and as we do our heads are pre-occupied mulling over the list of other things that need out attention.
The soaps we watch of other miserable souls suffering worse than we and in that moment we escape our own misery as we are hypnotised by the television media as seeing others new miserable lives, even if we know they are fictional make us for that moment feel better about our own.
No time to stop, grocery shopping needs to be done.
No time to stop, need to be on time for work. Slugging away, grinding, superficially entertaining egotistical mangers or colleagues!
Then it's home time and the train is filled with an array of similar characters all with their own story, feeling their own misery having been on the same treadmill as us all that day. No wonder there is nothing but miserable faces on the tube, silence and not a slight of eye contact or generous gesture. All wanting to get home as stead fast as they can.
At home awaits them bills to sort out, dinner to cook, and the kids to tend to, and as we do our heads are pre-occupied mulling over the list of other things that need out attention.
The soaps we watch of other miserable souls suffering worse than we and in that moment we escape our own misery as we are hypnotised by the television media as seeing others new miserable lives, even if we know they are fictional make us for that moment feel better about our own.
This is our life, chugging along, working to make ends meet, striving to survive.
This is our life, heads filled with noise muttering away at us and reminding us of what we need to do and where we need to go.
This is our life, heads filled with noise muttering away at us and reminding us of what we need to do and where we need to go.
This is our life!!
or is it??
Is this all there is?
Or are we just asleep??
With all that clutter distracting us how easy is it to miss what is right in front of us?
A beautiful blue sky with white puffs of clouds floating by,
a glowing sunset tinging the sky to pink,
a glorious view with meadows and trees,
a smile on someone's face,
a child's laughter! all are beauty, all are now, all are missed as we are pre-occupied with what we consider life's necessities when in reality it is society's necessities.
or is it??
Is this all there is?
Or are we just asleep??
With all that clutter distracting us how easy is it to miss what is right in front of us?
A beautiful blue sky with white puffs of clouds floating by,
a glowing sunset tinging the sky to pink,
a glorious view with meadows and trees,
a smile on someone's face,
a child's laughter! all are beauty, all are now, all are missed as we are pre-occupied with what we consider life's necessities when in reality it is society's necessities.
It is necessary for us to purchase the latest flat screen tv, to be addicted to alcohol and tobacco because then they get richer as the taxes get aid.
We are nothing but ants, soldering on, controlled and guided to whichever direction they choose. They are so good at it we don't even know it. Media and adverts manipulate us to believe we will be better people, more successful, more liked and happier if we buy this car, wear these clothes and live in this house, have this amount of money.
Everyone around us has been hypnotised to think the same so we are surrounded by those who fuel societies control.
We are nothing but ants, soldering on, controlled and guided to whichever direction they choose. They are so good at it we don't even know it. Media and adverts manipulate us to believe we will be better people, more successful, more liked and happier if we buy this car, wear these clothes and live in this house, have this amount of money.
Everyone around us has been hypnotised to think the same so we are surrounded by those who fuel societies control.
We are missing it all, we need to wake up!
Beauty and happiness is not in the destination, it's not in your possessions or what others think of you it's here, it's now!!
If only you open your eyes and see it.
Stop for a second and breath, inhale the beauty of what you already have, your life, your health!
Beauty and happiness is not in the destination, it's not in your possessions or what others think of you it's here, it's now!!
If only you open your eyes and see it.
Stop for a second and breath, inhale the beauty of what you already have, your life, your health!
Find beauty where others pass it by and wake up.
Your life is here, your life is NOW!!
Go Live it!....
Sunday 11 December 2011
LIFE: by Tailia Santo many years ago
Life is GREAT
No it really IS!!!
But I'm being sarcastic
By taking the PISS.
No it really IS!!!
But I'm being sarcastic
By taking the PISS.
Life is just BOLOX
And gets on my TITS!
It gets right up my arse hole
Coz it's total and utter SHIT.
But it'll get BETTER :-)
Life's what YOU make!!!
All will get SORTED
At least I hope for fuck's sake.
Our live's is SWEET
Our live's are a touch
Unlike other poor gits
Whose live's are well rough.
So look on the bright side
Don't give yourself licks
Go make it PUKKA
You pessimistic old pricks!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Virtual Worlds Addict, by Tailia Santo 2011!!!!
I feel I'm being taken over
Possessed yes some might say,
By the electronic world that lingers
And is slowly finding its way.
Possessed yes some might say,
By the electronic world that lingers
And is slowly finding its way.
Slipping into the real world
Like the matrix with its Neo,
As virtual worlds are muscling in
The real worlds throne they throw.
I have come accustomed
To the attention seeking mode,
And find myself compelled to tweet
And go down the facebook road.
My blackberry once a blessing
To keep my life on track,
But now I think I'd be better off
If I were addicted to smoking crack.
My hands they are a twitching
And reaching for my phone,
In the hope that I might welcome
Any attention from my virtual home.
When I see no flashing red light
Winking at me there,
I feel a sense of "no one loves me"
And I slip into despair.
I have to brake my habit
Its come too much to take,
I have to take a phone holiday
To give myself a brake.
It surely isn't healthy
I know that much is true,
That I've attached emotion
To a world that is virtual.
As I step into the real world
And see blessings galore,
I recognise I've been nothing more
Than an attention seeking whore.
Until I have controlled it
And got my shit 2gether,
The strings that hold me there
I've found the strength to sever.
I'm sure I'll have my re-bounds
And pop in from time to time,
But every faith of breaking free
Keep my high spirits fine.
So farewell to the fakeness
Goodbye tweeps & pokes,
What a ride its been for sure
But for now
"That's all folks".
Toodaloo....
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Common Sense.
I didn't write this, my friend forwarded it to me and I found it so funny I wished to share it on my blog.
Happy giggles peeps!!
Happy giggles peeps!!
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true.
Sent from my CrackBerry wireless device
Wednesday 20 April 2011
The Muay Thai to Boxing transition
One of the hurdles I have to tackle is my long history with Muay Thai boxing.
Muay Thai boxing involves kicking, any part of the body, knee's, elbows and all sorts. I remember my Thai boxing trainer once saying that the aim of the game is to simply obliterate the opponent’s entire body. It's all attack attack attack.
So with the switch to boxing everything changes. Like with my stance where as previously I would be on my toes, getting ready for a kick or to defend any kicks with my shins now I am having to keep my feet firmly on the ground strong and solid.
My guard has to stay up at all times where as with Thai I could be lazy at times and let me long legs do most of the work.
This I find has been the most challenging hurdle with my training for models fight night because my old ways are natural to me and I have to unlearn what I know so well.
I do love to learn and test myself and my limits and I am enjoying the challenge, BRING IT ON.
I've been told this makes me more dangerous that although I am taking it seriously it is also all play and fun for me. Life is one big game and I am playing it to the end.
Muay Thai boxing involves kicking, any part of the body, knee's, elbows and all sorts. I remember my Thai boxing trainer once saying that the aim of the game is to simply obliterate the opponent’s entire body. It's all attack attack attack.
So with the switch to boxing everything changes. Like with my stance where as previously I would be on my toes, getting ready for a kick or to defend any kicks with my shins now I am having to keep my feet firmly on the ground strong and solid.
My guard has to stay up at all times where as with Thai I could be lazy at times and let me long legs do most of the work.
This I find has been the most challenging hurdle with my training for models fight night because my old ways are natural to me and I have to unlearn what I know so well.
I do love to learn and test myself and my limits and I am enjoying the challenge, BRING IT ON.
I've been told this makes me more dangerous that although I am taking it seriously it is also all play and fun for me. Life is one big game and I am playing it to the end.
My training progress!!
I am really enjoying my training for Models Fight UK. It has given me a new focus and determination in my life. I now believe that having a goal and a something to focus my attention on has benefits that I underestimated before now.
In the past I have often found myself a little lost with the direction in which I am going with my life and at times steer off course but I have found that having just this one significant goal to focus on has over spilled in other aspects of my life to help me stay focused and on course.
Of course the health benefits are a massive plus as my body is feeling fitter and stronger which in turn keeps my head strong too.
I am one of those girls whom other girls hate because I don't actually need to keep fit, I am just naturally very slim as I have a very high metabolism and tend to keep my weight really low without actually having to do anything however I am also mutually aware of the fact that perhaps I will not be graced with this LUCK forever and at some point age will kick in and things might start expanding and drooping in places I would prefer things not to haha.
I have for some time now had every intention to get back into fitness so that I will keep fit and maintain a good physique for my later years but intentions are just that, intentions and unfortunately lots of other things got in the way of me actually following them through and so having signed up for the Models Fight Night has given me the MUST that I needed to get motivated.
I actually trained as a personal trainer with the YMCA a few years back and so I frustrate myself because I have all the knowledge but lack the motivation to back it up so now my fitness knowledge is really being put into good use. I know that if I were to do some form of exercise every day for six months after this time my body would have to continue to train every day for the rest of my life, it would become a way of life, a natural inbuilt mechanism that is as natural as breathing. This is the place I vision myself in after the event in September.
In the past I have often found myself a little lost with the direction in which I am going with my life and at times steer off course but I have found that having just this one significant goal to focus on has over spilled in other aspects of my life to help me stay focused and on course.
Of course the health benefits are a massive plus as my body is feeling fitter and stronger which in turn keeps my head strong too.
I am one of those girls whom other girls hate because I don't actually need to keep fit, I am just naturally very slim as I have a very high metabolism and tend to keep my weight really low without actually having to do anything however I am also mutually aware of the fact that perhaps I will not be graced with this LUCK forever and at some point age will kick in and things might start expanding and drooping in places I would prefer things not to haha.
I have for some time now had every intention to get back into fitness so that I will keep fit and maintain a good physique for my later years but intentions are just that, intentions and unfortunately lots of other things got in the way of me actually following them through and so having signed up for the Models Fight Night has given me the MUST that I needed to get motivated.
I actually trained as a personal trainer with the YMCA a few years back and so I frustrate myself because I have all the knowledge but lack the motivation to back it up so now my fitness knowledge is really being put into good use. I know that if I were to do some form of exercise every day for six months after this time my body would have to continue to train every day for the rest of my life, it would become a way of life, a natural inbuilt mechanism that is as natural as breathing. This is the place I vision myself in after the event in September.
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Model's Fight Night
My latest news is that I have signed up for a boxing match on september 1st at an event called models fight night. Its all for an amazing cause to raise money for the Katie Piper foundation. There is also a tv show being made for sky which is exciting stuff :-))))
I've really been training hard and I can feel the amazing benefits to getting back into the swing of fitness, I do declare I have been a little lazy of late but now I am back on it like super tonic and loving it loving it loving it, tee hee hee.
I started Muay Thai boxing 16years ago and the hardest part of the boxing training is having to unbreak old habits for example the stance for boxing is a lot different to that of Muay Thai and I am having to learn a whole new worls of dodgeing and diving alongside having to resist the natural impulse to kick, knee and elbow which I am finding the hardest task of all grrr When I am confronted with an apponent I go into fight or flight mode and its as if my body just takes over and the hits come from all over the gaff, from all my body parts lol, I am having to be very dissiplined and keep certain body parts to myself.
wish me luck guys x x x
Tuesday 28 September 2010
Monday 20 September 2010
Why Monogamy???
With the unfortunate truth recently revealed about Wayne Rooney’s antics with a vice girl and not forgetting Mr Crouch and all the other footballers whom regularly grace our headlines I stumbled across a few contradictory articles that got me thinking (she says in true Carrie Bradsure from ‘Sex in the City’ style).
The first article that caught my attention was by an author, Holly Hill, who whilst publicising for her book revealed how her and her boyfriend allow each other permission to sleep with other people. To the point that they live together but have separate bedrooms so that they can entertain other people on certain nights. They agree that date nights are Monday, Wednesday and Friday and they have a few rules in place such as she asks him to end any encounter with women he begins to grow emotionally attached to and he forbids her to wear any clothes that he bought her for the men she sleeps with, by clothes I imagine she means sexy bedroom clothes.
And then I was captured by an article which disclosed that Angelina Jolie had,, over candle lit dinner, after rumours that Brad Pitt had had an affair with an air hostess disclosing, given him permission to sleep with other women. She apparently professed that she understands that it would be hard to resist if a beautiful lady were to offer herself to him and her rules were that he has her blessing to take them up on their offer but that he may only sleep with any other woman only once so that he is unable to grow any emotional feelings for them.
As well as a neighbouring article saying Lady Gaga had given her man permission to sleep with other women while she was on tour.
Having studied the social and biological differences between men and women I am firm on the belief that men are sexual creatures unlike women who are emotional creatures. It is easy for most women to go without sex but a man finds it very hard to control the urge as his body will keep reminding him. We have all heard the stories of married couples who after some time the wife doesn’t want to get “jiggy” and he starts feeling neglected and frustrated and low and behold he gets his “jiggyness” elsewhere. The result is that he is the bad guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Well many may be shocked that I, as a woman sympathetic to anyone who is not getting their needs met, think that he is not fully to blame. I think that women should accept that men are not like women, they can not go without sex, it is in their biological make up to have sex.
It is hard to determine whether women should pick up on the signs that her man needs some TLC instead of taking offence and saying things like “Is that all you want me for?” when he makes his approaches which she regularly shrugs off. Or is it the man who should communicate his needs to his woman more clearly? Surely if a man said to his woman “Babe I really need some sex and I would love to have it with you but if you don’t give it to me soon I am concerned I might seek it elsewhere” she would react with how single minded and pig headed he was and that she was more than just a walking talking sex machine to him. But the truth hurts and isn’t it best to be honest? She needs to be loved and cherished and he needs sex.
Men are SEXUAL creatures. They NEED sex and I think it is his woman’s job to keep him satisfied. He in return should make her feel loved and cherished. It obviously does not count for those men who are just ridiculous whores who’s motto is “Every hole is a goal” yes I have really heard those words come out of a man’s mouth back in my days as a door supervisor, in these cases it wouldn’t matter if the woman was constantly available to fulfil her man’s desires, he would still go elsewhere because it is not his sexual desire he seeks to fill but his lack of real inner self confidence and lack of self love that he subconsciously thinks he is filling through sleeping around with many different women.
Napoleon Hill quotes in his famous book “Think and Grow Rich” that “The emotion of sex has beneath it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:
1.) The perpetuation of mankind.
2.) The maintenance of health, (as a therapy, it has no equal).
3.) The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
Sex transmutation being the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires, so strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it, Desire cannot and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the body, mind, and spirit of man which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.”
As a product of society’s traditions I would of course prefer my man to keep himself for me only and I personally would want to be the one to look after my man when he needs some “sexy time“. I would use Napoleon Hill’s quote to preach to men that at times when their desires overcome them that they should use that desire as a creative expression to accumulate riches and willpower to hold it back until a time that is convenient that he should communicate his needs and express his desire with his own “Mrs“.
But now from reading the articles I explained previously my thoughts are in limbo with what I once so firmly believed was the secret to cheat proofing a relationship by being sure to look after your man’s needs. And so before I can decide I now question where the idea of monogamy originally came from??
There is a book written by Dr Cai Hua “A Society without Fathers or Husbands: The Na of China” which describes a few societies in Asia who deny or belittle the roles of fathers and husbands in their social system. Na brothers and sisters live their entire lives together sharing household responsibilities and raising the women's children. They prohibit incest and practice a system of night time encounters at the woman's home. The woman's partners, as she frequently has more than one, bear no economic responsibility for her or her children, as "fathers," unless they resemble their children, and remain unidentifiable. The study shows how it is possible that a society can function healthily without husbands or fathers and they consider our society backwards.
So I ask again where did Monogamy within our society come from? If some men have proven that they can easily sleep with several women, it would make sense that it originated from women who have fought for the sacredness of sex between her and her husband? Or was man a willing participant in the belief and life style? But there are religions where women are covered from head to toe to keep themselves sacred for only their husbands eyes, so was monogamy man’s or religion’s idea?
There are many relationships who partner swap, swing and give permission for their partner to hire prostitutes to fill their sexual desires. PR guru, Max Clifford debates that many men who pay for sex look at it like a business agreement who regard it as physical exercise and relief and separate to meaningful relationships involving emotions. It is possible that because the excitement or sneaking around, the chase and doing what you are not supposed to be doing is the real reason why some men cheat and that once given permission the lustre for the urge disappears? Most men who cheat usually say they still love their wife very much which is proof that men are capable of separating emotional and physical desires.
I am not of course excluding women as cheats from the equation but it is usually the case that the woman needs to feel emotionally attracted to a man before she is able to feel sexually attracted to him and it is often true that women who cheat in relationships have long term affairs rather than short flings as they grow more and more emotionally attached to the man usually seeking emotional chemistry that her committed relationship is failing to give her anymore. So it would be fair to say that anyone who cheats in a relationship is doing it because they are seeking something that their current relationship is no longer giving them, whether it be sexual or emotional needs and desires.
Esther Vilar received death threats from her book “The Manipulated man” where her comical theory that women manipulate men to be their slaves, to go to work to pay to keep her and her children in exchange for keeping the home and offering herself to him when he desires. But Esther’s theory does not work out fair if the woman is not regularly on offer to her man? Plenty of feminists would argue that women do not need men to keep and provide for them but if you look back to the cave times you will see that man and woman did need each other. The man went out to hunt for meat and the woman, as the gatherer, gathered fruit and cared for the children and cared for her man on his return. Man would also protect his family from beasts. So without modern society in our natural make up this was how it worked. But were their relationships monogamous? Or did they all have a swap and change in the darkness of their caves?
A friend pointed out to me that the desire for sex is the body’s way of telling us to make babies. The modern day woman is attracted to a man who is bigger than herself as a sign that he is strong and able to protect and provide for her and their children, like the cave man used to do, and men are attracted to women with a womanly curvy body and nice meaty breasts but what men don’t realise, probably because the blood has rushed from his heads down to another member of his body at that point, is that he is attracted to a skinny waist as it makes the hips look broader and more accommodating for childbearing and big breasts are more appealing as they are more than capable than feeding the children that she bares for him. Scary isn’t it? That our sexual urges are actually urges to procreate. Maybe this explains the men who sleep around as they are going around spreading their seed like many of the worlds creatures do. Fish go around spraying and fertilizing any eggs he finds laying at the bottom of the sea and birds stay monogamous for one mating season. When watching the animal documentaries it is apparent that courtship and approaches are the male’s responsibility.
There was an interesting discussion in the final ultimate big brother house When Victor argued how human’s were one of the only species who is expected to stay monogamous and almost all other species simply go around doing their thing.
Is this why many men and women seek “chemistry” with another, a sexual chemistry before they believe that they have found ‘The One’? because selfishly being satisfied with the chemistry they imagine they would be capable of having sex with only that “One” person for the rest of their lives. Does this chemistry ever last? When screaming babies, financial struggles, day to day stresses and each others annoying little habits begin to grate on them and they see them in a different light where the chemistry finds it a hard job to surface. Committed relationships do need a lot of work and it is obvious the bedroom antics are an important one to keep an eye on in order to save a wandering eye from either party.
It is indeed a very interesting debate as I am sure you will agree and food for thought. Has society made us believe that we should keep sex within a relationship sacred? or is it simply a matter of whatever works best for the individuals and consent to open sexual relationships works best for some? Maybe the idea of allowing meaningless sex outside a relationship is the real secret to a happy relationship? Or is the key effective communication of the need to have our desires met and our partner’s willingness to fill them?
I don’t know! but one thing I am concrete on is that men are sexual creatures and if I want to keep my man from straying away from home, however emotionally meaningless it may be, I intend to try me best to satisfy and maintain his desires for myself, thank you very much.
The first article that caught my attention was by an author, Holly Hill, who whilst publicising for her book revealed how her and her boyfriend allow each other permission to sleep with other people. To the point that they live together but have separate bedrooms so that they can entertain other people on certain nights. They agree that date nights are Monday, Wednesday and Friday and they have a few rules in place such as she asks him to end any encounter with women he begins to grow emotionally attached to and he forbids her to wear any clothes that he bought her for the men she sleeps with, by clothes I imagine she means sexy bedroom clothes.
And then I was captured by an article which disclosed that Angelina Jolie had,, over candle lit dinner, after rumours that Brad Pitt had had an affair with an air hostess disclosing, given him permission to sleep with other women. She apparently professed that she understands that it would be hard to resist if a beautiful lady were to offer herself to him and her rules were that he has her blessing to take them up on their offer but that he may only sleep with any other woman only once so that he is unable to grow any emotional feelings for them.
As well as a neighbouring article saying Lady Gaga had given her man permission to sleep with other women while she was on tour.
Having studied the social and biological differences between men and women I am firm on the belief that men are sexual creatures unlike women who are emotional creatures. It is easy for most women to go without sex but a man finds it very hard to control the urge as his body will keep reminding him. We have all heard the stories of married couples who after some time the wife doesn’t want to get “jiggy” and he starts feeling neglected and frustrated and low and behold he gets his “jiggyness” elsewhere. The result is that he is the bad guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Well many may be shocked that I, as a woman sympathetic to anyone who is not getting their needs met, think that he is not fully to blame. I think that women should accept that men are not like women, they can not go without sex, it is in their biological make up to have sex.
It is hard to determine whether women should pick up on the signs that her man needs some TLC instead of taking offence and saying things like “Is that all you want me for?” when he makes his approaches which she regularly shrugs off. Or is it the man who should communicate his needs to his woman more clearly? Surely if a man said to his woman “Babe I really need some sex and I would love to have it with you but if you don’t give it to me soon I am concerned I might seek it elsewhere” she would react with how single minded and pig headed he was and that she was more than just a walking talking sex machine to him. But the truth hurts and isn’t it best to be honest? She needs to be loved and cherished and he needs sex.
Men are SEXUAL creatures. They NEED sex and I think it is his woman’s job to keep him satisfied. He in return should make her feel loved and cherished. It obviously does not count for those men who are just ridiculous whores who’s motto is “Every hole is a goal” yes I have really heard those words come out of a man’s mouth back in my days as a door supervisor, in these cases it wouldn’t matter if the woman was constantly available to fulfil her man’s desires, he would still go elsewhere because it is not his sexual desire he seeks to fill but his lack of real inner self confidence and lack of self love that he subconsciously thinks he is filling through sleeping around with many different women.
Napoleon Hill quotes in his famous book “Think and Grow Rich” that “The emotion of sex has beneath it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:
1.) The perpetuation of mankind.
2.) The maintenance of health, (as a therapy, it has no equal).
3.) The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
Sex transmutation being the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires, so strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it, Desire cannot and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the body, mind, and spirit of man which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.”
As a product of society’s traditions I would of course prefer my man to keep himself for me only and I personally would want to be the one to look after my man when he needs some “sexy time“. I would use Napoleon Hill’s quote to preach to men that at times when their desires overcome them that they should use that desire as a creative expression to accumulate riches and willpower to hold it back until a time that is convenient that he should communicate his needs and express his desire with his own “Mrs“.
But now from reading the articles I explained previously my thoughts are in limbo with what I once so firmly believed was the secret to cheat proofing a relationship by being sure to look after your man’s needs. And so before I can decide I now question where the idea of monogamy originally came from??
There is a book written by Dr Cai Hua “A Society without Fathers or Husbands: The Na of China” which describes a few societies in Asia who deny or belittle the roles of fathers and husbands in their social system. Na brothers and sisters live their entire lives together sharing household responsibilities and raising the women's children. They prohibit incest and practice a system of night time encounters at the woman's home. The woman's partners, as she frequently has more than one, bear no economic responsibility for her or her children, as "fathers," unless they resemble their children, and remain unidentifiable. The study shows how it is possible that a society can function healthily without husbands or fathers and they consider our society backwards.
So I ask again where did Monogamy within our society come from? If some men have proven that they can easily sleep with several women, it would make sense that it originated from women who have fought for the sacredness of sex between her and her husband? Or was man a willing participant in the belief and life style? But there are religions where women are covered from head to toe to keep themselves sacred for only their husbands eyes, so was monogamy man’s or religion’s idea?
There are many relationships who partner swap, swing and give permission for their partner to hire prostitutes to fill their sexual desires. PR guru, Max Clifford debates that many men who pay for sex look at it like a business agreement who regard it as physical exercise and relief and separate to meaningful relationships involving emotions. It is possible that because the excitement or sneaking around, the chase and doing what you are not supposed to be doing is the real reason why some men cheat and that once given permission the lustre for the urge disappears? Most men who cheat usually say they still love their wife very much which is proof that men are capable of separating emotional and physical desires.
I am not of course excluding women as cheats from the equation but it is usually the case that the woman needs to feel emotionally attracted to a man before she is able to feel sexually attracted to him and it is often true that women who cheat in relationships have long term affairs rather than short flings as they grow more and more emotionally attached to the man usually seeking emotional chemistry that her committed relationship is failing to give her anymore. So it would be fair to say that anyone who cheats in a relationship is doing it because they are seeking something that their current relationship is no longer giving them, whether it be sexual or emotional needs and desires.
Esther Vilar received death threats from her book “The Manipulated man” where her comical theory that women manipulate men to be their slaves, to go to work to pay to keep her and her children in exchange for keeping the home and offering herself to him when he desires. But Esther’s theory does not work out fair if the woman is not regularly on offer to her man? Plenty of feminists would argue that women do not need men to keep and provide for them but if you look back to the cave times you will see that man and woman did need each other. The man went out to hunt for meat and the woman, as the gatherer, gathered fruit and cared for the children and cared for her man on his return. Man would also protect his family from beasts. So without modern society in our natural make up this was how it worked. But were their relationships monogamous? Or did they all have a swap and change in the darkness of their caves?
A friend pointed out to me that the desire for sex is the body’s way of telling us to make babies. The modern day woman is attracted to a man who is bigger than herself as a sign that he is strong and able to protect and provide for her and their children, like the cave man used to do, and men are attracted to women with a womanly curvy body and nice meaty breasts but what men don’t realise, probably because the blood has rushed from his heads down to another member of his body at that point, is that he is attracted to a skinny waist as it makes the hips look broader and more accommodating for childbearing and big breasts are more appealing as they are more than capable than feeding the children that she bares for him. Scary isn’t it? That our sexual urges are actually urges to procreate. Maybe this explains the men who sleep around as they are going around spreading their seed like many of the worlds creatures do. Fish go around spraying and fertilizing any eggs he finds laying at the bottom of the sea and birds stay monogamous for one mating season. When watching the animal documentaries it is apparent that courtship and approaches are the male’s responsibility.
There was an interesting discussion in the final ultimate big brother house When Victor argued how human’s were one of the only species who is expected to stay monogamous and almost all other species simply go around doing their thing.
Is this why many men and women seek “chemistry” with another, a sexual chemistry before they believe that they have found ‘The One’? because selfishly being satisfied with the chemistry they imagine they would be capable of having sex with only that “One” person for the rest of their lives. Does this chemistry ever last? When screaming babies, financial struggles, day to day stresses and each others annoying little habits begin to grate on them and they see them in a different light where the chemistry finds it a hard job to surface. Committed relationships do need a lot of work and it is obvious the bedroom antics are an important one to keep an eye on in order to save a wandering eye from either party.
It is indeed a very interesting debate as I am sure you will agree and food for thought. Has society made us believe that we should keep sex within a relationship sacred? or is it simply a matter of whatever works best for the individuals and consent to open sexual relationships works best for some? Maybe the idea of allowing meaningless sex outside a relationship is the real secret to a happy relationship? Or is the key effective communication of the need to have our desires met and our partner’s willingness to fill them?
I don’t know! but one thing I am concrete on is that men are sexual creatures and if I want to keep my man from straying away from home, however emotionally meaningless it may be, I intend to try me best to satisfy and maintain his desires for myself, thank you very much.
Tuesday 20 July 2010
Thursday 24 June 2010
Review of "Girls' Night Out" at the Orchard Theatre Dartford
“Girls’ Night Out” By Dave Simpson was one of the best shows I have seen in a long while.
Not only because it is set mainly in a male strip club (wink wink nudge nudge), flitting between a group of girls on a hen night and a male strip team called ‘Feast of Flesh’ in their locker room, but also the obvious shenanigans when in came to performances including cowboys, captains and firemen.
Alongside the laugh out loud comedy and storyline I left the theatre satisfied that I had just experienced everything that all the best shows could offer. From laughter, shock, tease and relief this is an overall package theatre show guaranteed not to disappoint.
The men’s locker room banter was hilariously outrageous although the women’s banter certainly gave the men a run for their money.
The cast were excellent, choreography was brilliant as I was impressed how the cast were choreographed and incorporated in the scene changes.
My favourite most side splitting scene was the image of nothing but four bright white thongs thrusting in the dark.
This is a show that all girls must go and see and for any guys who wish to learn a trick or two to impress the Mrs at home.
I loved it so much I want to go and see it all over again. I could not help but think “Girls’ night out” is a show fit for the west end!!!
Not only because it is set mainly in a male strip club (wink wink nudge nudge), flitting between a group of girls on a hen night and a male strip team called ‘Feast of Flesh’ in their locker room, but also the obvious shenanigans when in came to performances including cowboys, captains and firemen.
Alongside the laugh out loud comedy and storyline I left the theatre satisfied that I had just experienced everything that all the best shows could offer. From laughter, shock, tease and relief this is an overall package theatre show guaranteed not to disappoint.
The men’s locker room banter was hilariously outrageous although the women’s banter certainly gave the men a run for their money.
The cast were excellent, choreography was brilliant as I was impressed how the cast were choreographed and incorporated in the scene changes.
My favourite most side splitting scene was the image of nothing but four bright white thongs thrusting in the dark.
This is a show that all girls must go and see and for any guys who wish to learn a trick or two to impress the Mrs at home.
I loved it so much I want to go and see it all over again. I could not help but think “Girls’ night out” is a show fit for the west end!!!
Saturday 8 May 2010
How do we love?
Different people show love in different ways. Different people also like to be loved in different ways.
The ways in which a person likes to love another and how they prefer to be loved by others depends on a number of different factors including past experiences, upbringing and the feelings that they attach to the gifts of love!
There are 5 different love languages which are gifts of love that a person gives to another as an expression of love.
They are:
1: Words
2: Touch
3: Gifts of materialistic value
4: Acts of service
5: Quality time spent together
Words include nice kind words of any form. Any words that make the person they are being said to feel nice and good about themselves are in affect making that person feel loved. It is not just a simple "I love you" although this does of course mean a lot. They can be said verbally, via email, text message, written in a letter and even on facebook but nothing makes more of an impact than verbally in person as around 95% of all communication is non verbal, they are in the body language and tone of voice which can not be captured if the person is not there in front of you.
Touch includes a cuddle, a kiss, to hold hands whilst out in public, to wipe a smudge off their face, to pick a bit of fluff out of their hair, to treat them to a soothing massage after a stressful day and of course a little slap and tickle, wink wink nudge nudge ;-) The human touch can have such an impact on another being as there are so many sensory nerves that are situated in the layers of the skin.
Gifts of materialistic value of course include anything materialistic that is given to a person. A bunch of flowers and chocolates, a new handbag, new shoes, to buy dinner for them or to make something with their own hands probably would mean a little more as it has included the time and effort and the thought involved in making it. Gifts like these should always be acknowledged and appreciation shown.
Acts of service include doing something for another. To iron their clothes, to cut the garden, to cook a meal, to wash their clothes, to make a telephone call on their behalf, to fix their car. You get my gist, it is to help or do things for them in any way. These actions should also be acknowledged and appreciation show or else the person giving them will feel exhausted and drained and may resent doing them and could withold doing them in the future.
And finally quality time together means to sit down and talk about your day and to really listen to the other while they talk. To do anything where your undevided time and attention are devoted to the other person.
When a person is able to analyze how they like to be loved they are able to communicate to another how that person can love them in a way that is best received by them.
The same can also go for analyzing how we like to love others.
If, for example, a woman likes to care for and look after and cook and clean for her man as a way of loving him but he prefers to have a kiss and a cuddle to make him feel loved then conflict can easily arise and he can feel unloved by her.
The same goes for the man who buys his woman lots of presents and flowers when all she wants is quality time and to hear words from him that express his love for her!
To give love to another in a way in which they do not prefer to recieve it is like speaking German to an Englishman. Quite clearly they will not understand it and are unable to translate it.
So I challenge you all to look at the list of love languages and tick which you like to receive and which you like to give.
If you do this with your partner then it is clear to see what you can give more of and perhaps what they could acknowledge and appreciate more of in your ways of loving them.
Love is only well received in any form if the recipient likes to receive it in the way in which it is being given???
Food for thought me thinketh!!
The ways in which a person likes to love another and how they prefer to be loved by others depends on a number of different factors including past experiences, upbringing and the feelings that they attach to the gifts of love!
There are 5 different love languages which are gifts of love that a person gives to another as an expression of love.
They are:
1: Words
2: Touch
3: Gifts of materialistic value
4: Acts of service
5: Quality time spent together
Words include nice kind words of any form. Any words that make the person they are being said to feel nice and good about themselves are in affect making that person feel loved. It is not just a simple "I love you" although this does of course mean a lot. They can be said verbally, via email, text message, written in a letter and even on facebook but nothing makes more of an impact than verbally in person as around 95% of all communication is non verbal, they are in the body language and tone of voice which can not be captured if the person is not there in front of you.
Touch includes a cuddle, a kiss, to hold hands whilst out in public, to wipe a smudge off their face, to pick a bit of fluff out of their hair, to treat them to a soothing massage after a stressful day and of course a little slap and tickle, wink wink nudge nudge ;-) The human touch can have such an impact on another being as there are so many sensory nerves that are situated in the layers of the skin.
Gifts of materialistic value of course include anything materialistic that is given to a person. A bunch of flowers and chocolates, a new handbag, new shoes, to buy dinner for them or to make something with their own hands probably would mean a little more as it has included the time and effort and the thought involved in making it. Gifts like these should always be acknowledged and appreciation shown.
Acts of service include doing something for another. To iron their clothes, to cut the garden, to cook a meal, to wash their clothes, to make a telephone call on their behalf, to fix their car. You get my gist, it is to help or do things for them in any way. These actions should also be acknowledged and appreciation show or else the person giving them will feel exhausted and drained and may resent doing them and could withold doing them in the future.
And finally quality time together means to sit down and talk about your day and to really listen to the other while they talk. To do anything where your undevided time and attention are devoted to the other person.
When a person is able to analyze how they like to be loved they are able to communicate to another how that person can love them in a way that is best received by them.
The same can also go for analyzing how we like to love others.
If, for example, a woman likes to care for and look after and cook and clean for her man as a way of loving him but he prefers to have a kiss and a cuddle to make him feel loved then conflict can easily arise and he can feel unloved by her.
The same goes for the man who buys his woman lots of presents and flowers when all she wants is quality time and to hear words from him that express his love for her!
To give love to another in a way in which they do not prefer to recieve it is like speaking German to an Englishman. Quite clearly they will not understand it and are unable to translate it.
So I challenge you all to look at the list of love languages and tick which you like to receive and which you like to give.
If you do this with your partner then it is clear to see what you can give more of and perhaps what they could acknowledge and appreciate more of in your ways of loving them.
Love is only well received in any form if the recipient likes to receive it in the way in which it is being given???
Food for thought me thinketh!!
Saturday 1 May 2010
Friday 9 April 2010
Interview with Mark Little aka Joe Mangel from neighbours
I was privilege to interview Mark Little better known to us for his role as Joe Mangel in Neighbours and as the presenter of channel 4s “The Big Breakfast” when he replaced Chris Evans in 1994.
T: when and how did you decide that you wanted to get into acting?
M: it was at school really. I wanted to play sports for Australia really but that didn’t happen, I wasn’t sporty enough. I went to a country high school, so you sort of did everything, you'd be in the footy team, the debating team and then you would do a play at the end of the year. I was naturally good at acting and a few teachers said I should apply to go into acting school which I did and I got in. It was a posh acting school and was pretty prestigious and it was funny because I was this boy from the bush in the middle of all these actors. After three years when I left the Australian television scene was really healthy and I got a lot of film and television work so it sort of happened from school really.
T: so you just sort of fell into it
M: sort of yeah, ‘Monty Python’ was really big and I was sort of funny in school, I was the clown
T: you’ve just answered one of my later questions now I was going to ask 'you do comedy roles really easily, are you naturally funny?’ It must be very rewarding to make people laugh?
M: I love it, it is really important to me which is one of the joys of doing ‘Defending the Caveman’ people laugh so hard you cant beat it, especially in these times, we are in hard times
T: we have become a very negative society and I think it is really sad
M: everything is a bit cynical and that’s the thing about this play, its not cynical, it’s good honest adult humour without being offensive. And that’s why it is so attractive to people. They leave feeling really good that they have bothered to come out, and that they have bothered to be in a relationship and that I am able to help them recognize that they have bothered makes me feel really good. I feel like I am doing my bit
T: good for mankind
M: yeah (laughter)
*“Created and performed by Rob Becker in San Francisco in 1991, the show, which was awarded the prestigious honour when Mark took the role at the Apollo Theatre in 2000, is the longest running solo play in Broadway history. With hysterical observations into contemporary feminism, masculine sensitivity and the erogenous zones, ‘Defending the Caveman’ has both the sexes roaring with laughter and recognition as they identify themselves in the tales being told. In short, it mines the common themes in relationships that go straight through the funny bone through to the heart.”
T: you first performed the show ten years ago, when you first performed it how was it to do a whole play solo, did you ever forget your lines or have to improvise?
M: the very first night I performed it was actually the first time I did it the whole way through without stopping. It was terrifying, but now I’ve got it under my belt and I’ve been able to change, update and upgrade it to make it more fun so it’s a really good piece of theatre
T: has it got a bit of you in it?
M: yeah, definitely, the play is written about a man and his relationship with his wife and I have been married to my wife Cath for 28years, I’ve thrown a sort of invisible character into the play, my wife, and she also directed it. I think it’s a lot more exciting, a bit more theatre, a bit more fun and playful. It’s a weird old play, its not stand up and its not theatre, but its sort of a bit of both. a bit of a mongrel, a bit of a hybrid.
T: I believe that everyone has a natural creative talent which unfortunately isn’t always discovered and encouraged. I’m interested to know how you did academically at school? Were you creative?
M: I was creative but I was also a bit of a bright spark. I think you have to have the right teacher. I had a really great English teacher he was great, I was really lucky. He was a Yorkshire man. There was a few English teachers at our school in Australia at that time it was terrific, we had a Geordie, a Yorkshire man and a Londoner. The Geordie taught us science, we couldn’t understand a thing he said but he was really funny
T: did anyone really motivate and encourage you to peruse your acting?
M: yes, I had some great mentors, the main one was my English teacher. Unfortunately I didn’t discover maths until a bit later when I got a good teacher and I realised that maths wasn’t as hard and boring as they made out. I think with the right teachers anyone can do anything. I was lucky that my English teacher was into debating and public speaking and he helped me with all of that as well as with my writing. I think that if you don’t get that good teacher in your life you're lost
T: you always remember your best teacher and your worst teacher, always
M: yes you do. I feel sorry for teacher because they have such a hard and important job to do and they don’t seem to be given much support. Having to follow the curriculum’s mean they are not allowed to express themselves as teachers and as communicators and teach the kids the best way that they can and make learning fun
T: they also have a lot to deal with especially when some children are demonstrating behavioural difficulties. So they not only have to teach they have to help some children deal with their emotions with what might be going on at home, it’s a huge responsibility.
M: yes it is huge and I can’t help but blame the parents. I think parenting has got lazier as we have moved into the 21st century, some parents are expecting everyone else to look after their kids and sort their kids out when really mum and dad should be on top of it
T: I agree as the parent’s have the most impact on a child. I think they should teach parents how to be parents
M: well yeah, in some countries you have to have a licence to have a dog. Once upon a time, because we used to live with our grandmas and granddads there used to be the extended family with aunties and uncles and lots of people helping out. It’s less and less of that in the modern society where everyone is just out on their own and doing it by themselves. It’s just impossible, kids need a tribe of people to look after and raise them and it has just got harder and harder and things are going to have to change. I think it will be when we run out of petrol that things will change and we will go back to the old school way of doing things in our local community but until then I think we are just running head long into a brick wall
T: when do you feel was your big break?
M: my big break? I don’t think I’ve really had it yet
T: oh, behave, everyone knows who you are. Everyone remembers you as Joe Mangle
M: that’s right, that is the most famous thing I’ve done but it didn’t give me any breaks, it just got in the way, I haven’t had any acting work since Joe on the telly and film because everyone just thinks I’m a funny gardener so he actually got in my way and it’s taken me a while for people to get over Joe Mangle and let Mark Little the actor do his thing, but that has slowly happened over the last 15 or 20 years since and doing things like ’Defending the Caveman’ has shown people my acting skills. I’m also working on another piece which is a one man play being performed in the middle of the year in London which will remind people that I am an actor and not a gardener
T: you were very memorable on the ‘The Big Breakfast‘ everyone remembers you from that
M: yeah thanks, that was a great job, that was really my sense of humour, it was like chaos.
T: people saw your personality and you as a person
M: yes that was brilliant, Joe Mangel helped me there. I think that might have been my big break. ‘The Big Breakfast’ suited my sense of humour and I was a jolly farmer and there’s not many farmers that get a chance on English television early in the morning. It was such an English thing but because of Joe Mangel I seemed to have won people’s trust and they let me be on the show with Gabby and do my crazy thing. Yes, I’d say you're right, thank you for bringing that up
T: I think they should bring it back. We should get a petition going to bring back ‘the big breakfast‘ I loved it, I used to watch it every morning. It was the reason I got out of bed in the morning
M: oh, it was perfect wasn’t it? people who hadn’t even gone to bed were watching it and people who were just getting out of bed in the morning. It was a little tradition that this country had like ‘Tiswas’ and it’s famous for that kind of telly but we haven’t had it for a while. I’m thinking of something very similar but late night to replace those late night gambling shows and do a live telly show like ‘The Big Breakfast’ but a live late show. It could be for when people are getting in from the clubs at around two in the morning. Yeah that’s the one I’m putting forward and I would put my hand up and say I’m up for that
T: well if you want a fellow presenter you know where to find me
M: Yes Tal
(laughter)
T: It’s been really lovely talking to you Mark I really appreciate your time. I could carry on talking all day as I’m a right chatterbox
(laughter)
M: you've got to come and see the show
T: I most definitely will Mr Little
M: ah, that would be cool, so what is this magazine your writing for?
T: its Dartford Living Magazine, its one of the many creative things I do. For me its a creative expression, I just need to get it out in any form that I can
M: cool, I’m very much the same, I’ve got to get it out of the system, somehow
T: better out than in I always say
(laughter)
‘Defending the Caveman’ is showing at The Orchard Theatre in Dartford between 9th-11th May as well as lots more other locations and venues nationwide check out www.defendingthecaveman.co.uk for details
(this was extracted from www.defendingthecaveman.co.uk)
Monday 5 April 2010
All men need a mummy!!!!
Something that has always concerned me is that of men and their incapacity to become emotionally attached, or perhaps it was just the ones I seemed to attract, lol.
Women!!!!......all we seem to say is how men are unable to commit on an emotional level or communicate their emotions and feelings clearly. I feel sorry for the men as they really do seem to get the brunt of our outrage as if it is ALL their fault!!!
But now I beg to differ and I have well and truly got the man dem's back.
On reading a book on raising boys to help me as a single mother to raise my own
son to become a well adjusted young man, it explains how boys need certain things at certain times in their childhood.
From age 0-6 they need the love from their mother who will show them that the world is a beautiful welcoming place to be in. He will need strong love and security.
From the ages of 6-14 is when the boy wants to be a man, a big boy. He will look to his father to set an example and should develop playfulness and kindness and become comfortable about being male.
Between the ages of 14 to adult the boy will need input from external male mentors to find his place as a man within the world and the adult community.
It is very important that throughout all of these stages the boys mother expresses warmth and affection towards him and helps the boy to understand and express his emotions clearly. If she is not around or unable to do this the boy will shut down that part of him that connects with his emotional mother and he will grow up to become emotionally restricted and have trouble expressing warmth or tenderness to his own children and partner. All very uncool stuff with a rippling effect I'm sure you will agree.
What these men then need as adults is to find a woman who can help them to feel emotional again. They technically need a woman who can re-parent them and help them to understand, re-connect with and communicate their emotions. But unfortunately because many of us women are brought up with our father's who are emotionally disconnected and who do not show us the correct security, warmth and tenderness as children we look towards the man in our life to fill what we missed out on as little girls and we completely miss the whole picture. We are looking for a daddy whilst the man in our life is looking for a mummy!
OK, you can argue that "why should it be the woman who see's the whole picture, why can it not be the man?" and my answer would be that it takes someone to be the adult in all situations and playing tit for tat gets us nowhere. Women make natural mothers. They grow up with baby dolls and their natural body chemical make up creates a connection with their child as they are the ones who grow them and give birth to them, so it is much easier for a woman to be a mother than it is for a man to be a father.
It is desired that a man be a man but all men still need a mummy and I believe that as women and natural mothers, instead of cursing them for being emotionally stunted and disconnected how about we fill this motherly role and help them reconnect and show warmth, affection and love to our men and then they will repay us by making us the number one woman in their lives and will then naturally become the secure, warm and tender man we desire.
A win win situation all round.
Please note this does not make sense with violent, controlling, very disturbed men who do not just need a mother they need a therapist!!! In these cases if it is causing you any distress and it is unhealthy for you to stick around then the best thing to do is to get out of there.... FAST.
Women!!!!......all we seem to say is how men are unable to commit on an emotional level or communicate their emotions and feelings clearly. I feel sorry for the men as they really do seem to get the brunt of our outrage as if it is ALL their fault!!!
But now I beg to differ and I have well and truly got the man dem's back.
On reading a book on raising boys to help me as a single mother to raise my own
son to become a well adjusted young man, it explains how boys need certain things at certain times in their childhood.
From age 0-6 they need the love from their mother who will show them that the world is a beautiful welcoming place to be in. He will need strong love and security.
From the ages of 6-14 is when the boy wants to be a man, a big boy. He will look to his father to set an example and should develop playfulness and kindness and become comfortable about being male.
Between the ages of 14 to adult the boy will need input from external male mentors to find his place as a man within the world and the adult community.
It is very important that throughout all of these stages the boys mother expresses warmth and affection towards him and helps the boy to understand and express his emotions clearly. If she is not around or unable to do this the boy will shut down that part of him that connects with his emotional mother and he will grow up to become emotionally restricted and have trouble expressing warmth or tenderness to his own children and partner. All very uncool stuff with a rippling effect I'm sure you will agree.
What these men then need as adults is to find a woman who can help them to feel emotional again. They technically need a woman who can re-parent them and help them to understand, re-connect with and communicate their emotions. But unfortunately because many of us women are brought up with our father's who are emotionally disconnected and who do not show us the correct security, warmth and tenderness as children we look towards the man in our life to fill what we missed out on as little girls and we completely miss the whole picture. We are looking for a daddy whilst the man in our life is looking for a mummy!
OK, you can argue that "why should it be the woman who see's the whole picture, why can it not be the man?" and my answer would be that it takes someone to be the adult in all situations and playing tit for tat gets us nowhere. Women make natural mothers. They grow up with baby dolls and their natural body chemical make up creates a connection with their child as they are the ones who grow them and give birth to them, so it is much easier for a woman to be a mother than it is for a man to be a father.
It is desired that a man be a man but all men still need a mummy and I believe that as women and natural mothers, instead of cursing them for being emotionally stunted and disconnected how about we fill this motherly role and help them reconnect and show warmth, affection and love to our men and then they will repay us by making us the number one woman in their lives and will then naturally become the secure, warm and tender man we desire.
A win win situation all round.
Please note this does not make sense with violent, controlling, very disturbed men who do not just need a mother they need a therapist!!! In these cases if it is causing you any distress and it is unhealthy for you to stick around then the best thing to do is to get out of there.... FAST.
Thursday 1 April 2010
Monday 15 March 2010
Jordan Votes Maddie Ford a winner!!!
Whilst I was sifting through all my tear sheets and clippings to add to my website I stumbled across this little treasure from the max power bikini babe competition I entered many years back.
The judges of the competition were Jordan and Tim Westwood and you will never guess who they chose as the winner!!!!!!! Only a young Miss Maddie Ford!!!!!!
I remember the day like it was yesterday, Jordan doing her famous attention seeking act on stage shouting out foul things like "get ya tits out girls" and I remember Maddie getting lots of attention by the max power stand with the encouragement of a manger in tow.
It seems Maddie has been chasing a piece of Jordan style limelight for a long time kiss and tell on Jordan's ex Peter Andre must really make her feel like the cat who got the cream.
I'm the tall girl in the purple bikini two girls to the left of Maddie in the line up in the bottom left picture on the second page in case your wondering!!!!
Thursday 5 November 2009
Goldie interview pt 1
I had the privilege of interviewing DJ Goldie and was so happy I did. His energy and enthusiasm is infectious and he is most definitely an excellent role model as he expressed his advice for teenagers who have been brought up in unfortunate childhoods, like himself who was brought up in children’s homes from the age of three.
Goldie will be performing at Pure Science at Kent's new super club with 2500 capacity “Arena” (www.arenalive.co.uk) Ashford, along side Dartford resident 2Shy MC on Saturday 7th November and he was keen to express his love of the music and how he was looking forward to playing.
When I asked how he was feeling about the up and coming re-launch of pure science he replied: the good thing is we can look back on it and celebrate because we can go out there and play some old tunes and some new tunes and people who are a bit more older can appreciate it because we all change but I think the pure science mentality is if your going to get someone to play something in this room, which has got so many different flavours, then you have to get the people who will do it right, get the people who actually stand by that same mentality. With me, people know what their getting!
It is clear that Goldie is very passionate about his music as he describes that it was there for him when no-one or nothing else was. He disclosed how, to him, music never lied and how disastrous his life could have turned out had he not found his love of music as he used it as a form of self expression.
More from Goldie’s interview in next months issue!
For more details of pure science go to “The 'Original' PURE SCIENCE” facebook group or www.pure-science.co.uk.
This event will be unmissable for any drum and base fan as it is the Biggest D&B line up in Kent since the Millennium!
Monday 26 October 2009
Miss Flavour 2009 competition
I have been shortlisted in the Miss Flavour 2009 competition due to take place on 11th Nov at cafe de paris and Im really looking forward to it.
Wish me luck guys.
I would love to win as it would give me an excuse to get my claws in and do some really cool stuff that I would like to do like give talks and write articles and interview people who are an inspiration and do more photo shoots and organise parties etc etc etc. The list goes on! Fingers crossed!!!!
Wish me luck guys.
I would love to win as it would give me an excuse to get my claws in and do some really cool stuff that I would like to do like give talks and write articles and interview people who are an inspiration and do more photo shoots and organise parties etc etc etc. The list goes on! Fingers crossed!!!!
Sunday 18 October 2009
ADHD awareness
Since when did we become a society to be narrow-minded and to believe black is white because that is
how the message was passed onto us through Chinese whispers? As a mother of a boy who has recently been diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), aside from the fact that I have to accept and dig deep to find the strength and energy to help my sonscondition, I now have the challenging hurdle of having to convince others that ADHD is real and not just an excuse that doctors give or an excuse for bad parenting. It is easy to feel discouraged by these individuals and I have lost count of the amount of times I have explained that actually it took a long list of doctors, health visitors, paediatricians and psychiatrists and psychologists over a lengthy amount of time to make the diagnosis. And yet it feels like I am talking to a brick wall when these unqualified people hear what I say but yet do not really listen and take in what I am saying and continue to tell me how I need to be more firm in my discipline with me son and in a round about way tell me that it is in fact my fault that he behaves the way he does.
ADHD was first recorded in 1902 by an English paediatrician named George Still who did an in depth study of a group of patients who had difficult behaviours which started before the age of eight. Still described these children as having a poor control of inhibition, being full of aggression and in his Victorian language suffering from "
A lack of moral control".Still saw this as a chronic condition, biological (inborn) in nature and not caused from bad parenting or adverse environment.
Since this first recording of ADHD over 100years ago a number of explanations have since been suggested for the reason why ADHD occurs, these included brain damage from the great influenza epidemic in 1918-19, minimal brain dysfunction in 1950s and 1960s, the hyperactive child syndrome was first described in 1960s to 1970s. Hyperactivity was related to diet by Dr Ben Feingold in 1973 who reported the relationship between additives in foods which caused hyperactivity.
Since all of these suggestions and reasons for the condition medical technology has come a long way and PET scans (Positron Emission Tomography) and SPECT scans (Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography) and MRI scans (magnetic Resonance Imaging) and CAT scans (Computer Axial Tomography) allow us to better research and see for ourselves the difference in the brain activity in those who show symptoms of ADHD.
New science shows that the basic difference between those who have ADHD and those who do not is in the balance of the neurotransmitter chemicals dopamine and noradrenaline. Which in those with ADHD are produced in lower volumes, an effect which is only found in certain areas of the brain, particularly the frontal lobes, and the basal ganglia circuits which are the areas of the brain which are responsible for organization, concentration, and reason and so from this imbalance we find individuals who demonstrate impulsive incontrollable behaviours (they find it very hard to think before they act), lack of attention and organization and hyperactivity.
Unfortunately if the condition is left undiagnosed and the child is treated like one without ADHD and punished and told off frequently for the ADHD behaviour which is beyond their control and they are not helped and guarded on how to self monitor and manage their differences then they are likely to become defensive and form a condition which is incurable called ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which means they become aggressive and defiant because they have all their life been constantly reprimanded for their ADHD behaviour and any amount of discipline from anyone will only make their behaviour worse in the circumstance. At this point they must be tip toed around in an almost walking on egg shells way. The way to deal with children with ADHD is to reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad in the attempt that the good will be repeated and the bad halted.
ADHD is a hereditary condition most common in boys and passed on thorough genetics. It is not brought about by bad parenting as the many research studies were done on children from all backgrounds with all different parenting practices however it has been proved that bringing up a child with ADHD can actually turn a good competent parent into a disheartened, at their wits end parent who finds it very hard to cope without the knowledge and the understanding that their child has ADHD and without being equipped with correct and proper guidance on how to deal with their child
s disorder.
Adults who actually have ADHD and somehow found their own way around their differences are people who often drink alcohol and take drugs, as it is their way of self medicating. Another indication of an adult with ADHD is impulsive shopping, problems with organization, flitting between ideas perhaps with work and jobs, forgetting easily, misreading the expectations of a situation or seems insensitive to the needs of those who are emotionally close. The greatest attribute and disability of an adult with ADHD is the restless, circling brain. As it spins, a cascade of thoughts intrudes into the mind and more often distracts the mind from important logical issues in the moment and they can feel there is a battle going on inside their own head.
My experience of the worse culprits for not being ADHD aware, are the educational system or at least some of them. My son attended a R
oman Catholic School for three years, his first year was brilliant as he had a very caring teacher Mrs. Lobo who I felt really nurtured and understood my son, however unfortunately his schooling dropped steeply with the introduction of his hard faced, strict, old fashioned, didn’t have the time or patience for his behaviour attitude teacher he had in his second year that caused not only problems for him at school but also in his home life and which I can now gather hugely contributed to his development of ODD. After several incidents and having discussed with his head teacher about my concerns of his unhappiness at school and the possibility of perhaps moving him to another school I received very little if no support, it was only that I learned he would have the same teacher from his first year again that I kept him there. I finally had enough when he and his cousin told me of his teacher at the beginning of his forth year telling me that she regularly told him he behaved like a baby in front of all his class mate and then an incident occurred where he lit a candle with a lighter, which was freely accessible by him in the school, which fell over and started a fire. With no apology for allowing my son to access a lighter while in their care or showing no concern that he could have possibly killed himself had he set himself on fire, not only was he suspended for a week but he was reprimanded and humiliated by being told he did it deliberately by his head teacher in front of me and his grandmother, although he had explained that it was an accident and then when he returned to school after being punished for a week his teacher reminded him that he was a silly boy, not that his behaviour was silly, which we now know is because of his ADHD. What could this have done for his self esteem and self worth. Schools must be aware of how much they impact and mould a childslife which will effect them in their adult life. Our children look up to them for guidance and support and they tell them they are silly and naughty. If you are told something enough it is a known fact that you will begin to believe it and then you will continue to be it.
I moved him to a comprehensive sc
hool three weeks later and within two week’s at his new school they had recognized the signs of ADHD and put him on a special needs list which meant he would receive additional help within the school to help him. Unaware if it is many schools or just the unfortunate few but I am disgusted that schools are not more aware of the signs of ADHD, I am a mother of one who knows no different yet surely with so many children within their establishment they must be able to see the differences, surely they must be made aware of this condition. Because of this failure in my son’s old "top statistic"school he now has an incurable condition (ODD) which can seriously hinder him in his later life. Why is it not legal for all schools to have a special needs unit or nurse to recognize the signs or is it just the schools way to cut back on spending????
It is a shame that ADHD is not more accepted and recognizable as it is now a legal disability and should the child be in a wheelchair or be deformed in some way others would be more accepting and understanding yet because they see no visual signs, other that the ADHD behaviour, they frown upon the child and the parent. This is only hindering the child
s positive development and so I urge you all, parents, teachers, friends and family to please be more ADHD aware. It is real, it is not make believe, I know because I have to see and find the strength to deal with it as best I can every day of my life.
Friday 9 October 2009
I was invited to watch the John Lewis fashion show at blue water on 26th September which I was really pleased about as I do modelling and luurrrrve fashion, like most women.
The show came across as very professional and the crowd and I really enjoyed it.
The fashion themes that I picked up on as regular features in the show was the young funky biker look with skinny jeans and zips. Smart romantic look, grungy boho and sexy/casual. The leather biker jacket made a good few appearances in a few of the themes alongside sequins and sequin details that we can see on all the celebrities at the moment. Fur gullets and woollen waistcoats had a look in as well as trilby hats which is a personal favourite of mine as it adds a sophisticated twist on any outfit. My top outfit was a beautiful silver striped sequin dress worn with a trilby!
It was refreshing to see an older male and female plus size model and it felt like John Lewis had really made the effort to appeal to everyone!
Overall I was impressed with the wide range of brands and styles John Lewis has and I would definitely recommend anyone to take a trip down their as they cater for everyone and anyone. You are sure to find a star buy!
I look forward to any future shows!!!!
Tuesday 29 September 2009
Review of Annie at The Orchard Theatre Dartford!
What better opportunity than to be invited to view and write a review on my all time childhood favourite film of Annie which is showing at The Orchard Theatre Dartford from 29th September to Saturday 3rd October, and so I jumped at the chance and who better to accompany me and input his own review than my 9 year old son.
As a huge fan of the original and so an obvious critic to any adaptation of it I was pleasantly surprised that the scenery was very similar and in perfect fitting to that of the original and with the songs being the same and so no shocked surprises as in that of the remake of the famous film “Charlie and the chocolate factory”.
There were a few songs that I noticed were replaced, like “dumb dog” which was replaced with “tomorrow”, and a walk to the cinema, while a scenery change was taking place and with the final escape from the clutches of Rooster Hannigan being replaced with some FBI investigation resulting in his and Lily St Regis’ arrests and Miss Hannigan being taken off in a straight jacket, the overall feel of the show was excellent and well received from both myself and my son who stayed well behaved and glued to his seat for the entire performance!
Simone Craddock, who played Grace Farrell displayed a striking resemblance to the original character and Sue Pollard a fun Miss Hannigan as well as David McAlister, who played Oliver Warbucks just as brilliantly as to remind me of my wish as a little girl to have my own Daddy Warbucks come and adopt me, not that I was an orphan of course, but oh how we fantasise as children!
There was a lovely Christmas twist and with excellent scenery including a magnificent mansion stair case and huge decorated Christmas tree and even an automobile!
Annie had a straight red bob throughout but ended in the famous Red dress and tight curled hair with a warm felt reunion with her orphan friends I thoroughly enjoyed this show and am positive anyone else will also including mums, dads and especially children.
And so my recommendation is to get yourself down to The Orchard Theatre before this Saturday to see Annie as it will be a show you too will be pleased you did not miss out on seeing for yourself!
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