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Tuesday 28 September 2010
Monday 20 September 2010
Why Monogamy???
With the unfortunate truth recently revealed about Wayne Rooney’s antics with a vice girl and not forgetting Mr Crouch and all the other footballers whom regularly grace our headlines I stumbled across a few contradictory articles that got me thinking (she says in true Carrie Bradsure from ‘Sex in the City’ style).
The first article that caught my attention was by an author, Holly Hill, who whilst publicising for her book revealed how her and her boyfriend allow each other permission to sleep with other people. To the point that they live together but have separate bedrooms so that they can entertain other people on certain nights. They agree that date nights are Monday, Wednesday and Friday and they have a few rules in place such as she asks him to end any encounter with women he begins to grow emotionally attached to and he forbids her to wear any clothes that he bought her for the men she sleeps with, by clothes I imagine she means sexy bedroom clothes.
And then I was captured by an article which disclosed that Angelina Jolie had,, over candle lit dinner, after rumours that Brad Pitt had had an affair with an air hostess disclosing, given him permission to sleep with other women. She apparently professed that she understands that it would be hard to resist if a beautiful lady were to offer herself to him and her rules were that he has her blessing to take them up on their offer but that he may only sleep with any other woman only once so that he is unable to grow any emotional feelings for them.
As well as a neighbouring article saying Lady Gaga had given her man permission to sleep with other women while she was on tour.
Having studied the social and biological differences between men and women I am firm on the belief that men are sexual creatures unlike women who are emotional creatures. It is easy for most women to go without sex but a man finds it very hard to control the urge as his body will keep reminding him. We have all heard the stories of married couples who after some time the wife doesn’t want to get “jiggy” and he starts feeling neglected and frustrated and low and behold he gets his “jiggyness” elsewhere. The result is that he is the bad guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Well many may be shocked that I, as a woman sympathetic to anyone who is not getting their needs met, think that he is not fully to blame. I think that women should accept that men are not like women, they can not go without sex, it is in their biological make up to have sex.
It is hard to determine whether women should pick up on the signs that her man needs some TLC instead of taking offence and saying things like “Is that all you want me for?” when he makes his approaches which she regularly shrugs off. Or is it the man who should communicate his needs to his woman more clearly? Surely if a man said to his woman “Babe I really need some sex and I would love to have it with you but if you don’t give it to me soon I am concerned I might seek it elsewhere” she would react with how single minded and pig headed he was and that she was more than just a walking talking sex machine to him. But the truth hurts and isn’t it best to be honest? She needs to be loved and cherished and he needs sex.
Men are SEXUAL creatures. They NEED sex and I think it is his woman’s job to keep him satisfied. He in return should make her feel loved and cherished. It obviously does not count for those men who are just ridiculous whores who’s motto is “Every hole is a goal” yes I have really heard those words come out of a man’s mouth back in my days as a door supervisor, in these cases it wouldn’t matter if the woman was constantly available to fulfil her man’s desires, he would still go elsewhere because it is not his sexual desire he seeks to fill but his lack of real inner self confidence and lack of self love that he subconsciously thinks he is filling through sleeping around with many different women.
Napoleon Hill quotes in his famous book “Think and Grow Rich” that “The emotion of sex has beneath it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:
1.) The perpetuation of mankind.
2.) The maintenance of health, (as a therapy, it has no equal).
3.) The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
Sex transmutation being the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires, so strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it, Desire cannot and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the body, mind, and spirit of man which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.”
As a product of society’s traditions I would of course prefer my man to keep himself for me only and I personally would want to be the one to look after my man when he needs some “sexy time“. I would use Napoleon Hill’s quote to preach to men that at times when their desires overcome them that they should use that desire as a creative expression to accumulate riches and willpower to hold it back until a time that is convenient that he should communicate his needs and express his desire with his own “Mrs“.
But now from reading the articles I explained previously my thoughts are in limbo with what I once so firmly believed was the secret to cheat proofing a relationship by being sure to look after your man’s needs. And so before I can decide I now question where the idea of monogamy originally came from??
There is a book written by Dr Cai Hua “A Society without Fathers or Husbands: The Na of China” which describes a few societies in Asia who deny or belittle the roles of fathers and husbands in their social system. Na brothers and sisters live their entire lives together sharing household responsibilities and raising the women's children. They prohibit incest and practice a system of night time encounters at the woman's home. The woman's partners, as she frequently has more than one, bear no economic responsibility for her or her children, as "fathers," unless they resemble their children, and remain unidentifiable. The study shows how it is possible that a society can function healthily without husbands or fathers and they consider our society backwards.
So I ask again where did Monogamy within our society come from? If some men have proven that they can easily sleep with several women, it would make sense that it originated from women who have fought for the sacredness of sex between her and her husband? Or was man a willing participant in the belief and life style? But there are religions where women are covered from head to toe to keep themselves sacred for only their husbands eyes, so was monogamy man’s or religion’s idea?
There are many relationships who partner swap, swing and give permission for their partner to hire prostitutes to fill their sexual desires. PR guru, Max Clifford debates that many men who pay for sex look at it like a business agreement who regard it as physical exercise and relief and separate to meaningful relationships involving emotions. It is possible that because the excitement or sneaking around, the chase and doing what you are not supposed to be doing is the real reason why some men cheat and that once given permission the lustre for the urge disappears? Most men who cheat usually say they still love their wife very much which is proof that men are capable of separating emotional and physical desires.
I am not of course excluding women as cheats from the equation but it is usually the case that the woman needs to feel emotionally attracted to a man before she is able to feel sexually attracted to him and it is often true that women who cheat in relationships have long term affairs rather than short flings as they grow more and more emotionally attached to the man usually seeking emotional chemistry that her committed relationship is failing to give her anymore. So it would be fair to say that anyone who cheats in a relationship is doing it because they are seeking something that their current relationship is no longer giving them, whether it be sexual or emotional needs and desires.
Esther Vilar received death threats from her book “The Manipulated man” where her comical theory that women manipulate men to be their slaves, to go to work to pay to keep her and her children in exchange for keeping the home and offering herself to him when he desires. But Esther’s theory does not work out fair if the woman is not regularly on offer to her man? Plenty of feminists would argue that women do not need men to keep and provide for them but if you look back to the cave times you will see that man and woman did need each other. The man went out to hunt for meat and the woman, as the gatherer, gathered fruit and cared for the children and cared for her man on his return. Man would also protect his family from beasts. So without modern society in our natural make up this was how it worked. But were their relationships monogamous? Or did they all have a swap and change in the darkness of their caves?
A friend pointed out to me that the desire for sex is the body’s way of telling us to make babies. The modern day woman is attracted to a man who is bigger than herself as a sign that he is strong and able to protect and provide for her and their children, like the cave man used to do, and men are attracted to women with a womanly curvy body and nice meaty breasts but what men don’t realise, probably because the blood has rushed from his heads down to another member of his body at that point, is that he is attracted to a skinny waist as it makes the hips look broader and more accommodating for childbearing and big breasts are more appealing as they are more than capable than feeding the children that she bares for him. Scary isn’t it? That our sexual urges are actually urges to procreate. Maybe this explains the men who sleep around as they are going around spreading their seed like many of the worlds creatures do. Fish go around spraying and fertilizing any eggs he finds laying at the bottom of the sea and birds stay monogamous for one mating season. When watching the animal documentaries it is apparent that courtship and approaches are the male’s responsibility.
There was an interesting discussion in the final ultimate big brother house When Victor argued how human’s were one of the only species who is expected to stay monogamous and almost all other species simply go around doing their thing.
Is this why many men and women seek “chemistry” with another, a sexual chemistry before they believe that they have found ‘The One’? because selfishly being satisfied with the chemistry they imagine they would be capable of having sex with only that “One” person for the rest of their lives. Does this chemistry ever last? When screaming babies, financial struggles, day to day stresses and each others annoying little habits begin to grate on them and they see them in a different light where the chemistry finds it a hard job to surface. Committed relationships do need a lot of work and it is obvious the bedroom antics are an important one to keep an eye on in order to save a wandering eye from either party.
It is indeed a very interesting debate as I am sure you will agree and food for thought. Has society made us believe that we should keep sex within a relationship sacred? or is it simply a matter of whatever works best for the individuals and consent to open sexual relationships works best for some? Maybe the idea of allowing meaningless sex outside a relationship is the real secret to a happy relationship? Or is the key effective communication of the need to have our desires met and our partner’s willingness to fill them?
I don’t know! but one thing I am concrete on is that men are sexual creatures and if I want to keep my man from straying away from home, however emotionally meaningless it may be, I intend to try me best to satisfy and maintain his desires for myself, thank you very much.
The first article that caught my attention was by an author, Holly Hill, who whilst publicising for her book revealed how her and her boyfriend allow each other permission to sleep with other people. To the point that they live together but have separate bedrooms so that they can entertain other people on certain nights. They agree that date nights are Monday, Wednesday and Friday and they have a few rules in place such as she asks him to end any encounter with women he begins to grow emotionally attached to and he forbids her to wear any clothes that he bought her for the men she sleeps with, by clothes I imagine she means sexy bedroom clothes.
And then I was captured by an article which disclosed that Angelina Jolie had,, over candle lit dinner, after rumours that Brad Pitt had had an affair with an air hostess disclosing, given him permission to sleep with other women. She apparently professed that she understands that it would be hard to resist if a beautiful lady were to offer herself to him and her rules were that he has her blessing to take them up on their offer but that he may only sleep with any other woman only once so that he is unable to grow any emotional feelings for them.
As well as a neighbouring article saying Lady Gaga had given her man permission to sleep with other women while she was on tour.
Having studied the social and biological differences between men and women I am firm on the belief that men are sexual creatures unlike women who are emotional creatures. It is easy for most women to go without sex but a man finds it very hard to control the urge as his body will keep reminding him. We have all heard the stories of married couples who after some time the wife doesn’t want to get “jiggy” and he starts feeling neglected and frustrated and low and behold he gets his “jiggyness” elsewhere. The result is that he is the bad guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Well many may be shocked that I, as a woman sympathetic to anyone who is not getting their needs met, think that he is not fully to blame. I think that women should accept that men are not like women, they can not go without sex, it is in their biological make up to have sex.
It is hard to determine whether women should pick up on the signs that her man needs some TLC instead of taking offence and saying things like “Is that all you want me for?” when he makes his approaches which she regularly shrugs off. Or is it the man who should communicate his needs to his woman more clearly? Surely if a man said to his woman “Babe I really need some sex and I would love to have it with you but if you don’t give it to me soon I am concerned I might seek it elsewhere” she would react with how single minded and pig headed he was and that she was more than just a walking talking sex machine to him. But the truth hurts and isn’t it best to be honest? She needs to be loved and cherished and he needs sex.
Men are SEXUAL creatures. They NEED sex and I think it is his woman’s job to keep him satisfied. He in return should make her feel loved and cherished. It obviously does not count for those men who are just ridiculous whores who’s motto is “Every hole is a goal” yes I have really heard those words come out of a man’s mouth back in my days as a door supervisor, in these cases it wouldn’t matter if the woman was constantly available to fulfil her man’s desires, he would still go elsewhere because it is not his sexual desire he seeks to fill but his lack of real inner self confidence and lack of self love that he subconsciously thinks he is filling through sleeping around with many different women.
Napoleon Hill quotes in his famous book “Think and Grow Rich” that “The emotion of sex has beneath it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are:
1.) The perpetuation of mankind.
2.) The maintenance of health, (as a therapy, it has no equal).
3.) The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation.
Sex transmutation being the switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression, to thoughts of some other nature.
Sex desire is the most powerful of human desires, so strong and impelling is the desire for sexual contact that men freely run the risk of life and reputation to indulge it, Desire cannot and should not be submerged or eliminated. But it should be given an outlet through forms of expression which enrich the body, mind, and spirit of man which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches. If it is not transmuted into some creative effort it will find a less worthy outlet.”
As a product of society’s traditions I would of course prefer my man to keep himself for me only and I personally would want to be the one to look after my man when he needs some “sexy time“. I would use Napoleon Hill’s quote to preach to men that at times when their desires overcome them that they should use that desire as a creative expression to accumulate riches and willpower to hold it back until a time that is convenient that he should communicate his needs and express his desire with his own “Mrs“.
But now from reading the articles I explained previously my thoughts are in limbo with what I once so firmly believed was the secret to cheat proofing a relationship by being sure to look after your man’s needs. And so before I can decide I now question where the idea of monogamy originally came from??
There is a book written by Dr Cai Hua “A Society without Fathers or Husbands: The Na of China” which describes a few societies in Asia who deny or belittle the roles of fathers and husbands in their social system. Na brothers and sisters live their entire lives together sharing household responsibilities and raising the women's children. They prohibit incest and practice a system of night time encounters at the woman's home. The woman's partners, as she frequently has more than one, bear no economic responsibility for her or her children, as "fathers," unless they resemble their children, and remain unidentifiable. The study shows how it is possible that a society can function healthily without husbands or fathers and they consider our society backwards.
So I ask again where did Monogamy within our society come from? If some men have proven that they can easily sleep with several women, it would make sense that it originated from women who have fought for the sacredness of sex between her and her husband? Or was man a willing participant in the belief and life style? But there are religions where women are covered from head to toe to keep themselves sacred for only their husbands eyes, so was monogamy man’s or religion’s idea?
There are many relationships who partner swap, swing and give permission for their partner to hire prostitutes to fill their sexual desires. PR guru, Max Clifford debates that many men who pay for sex look at it like a business agreement who regard it as physical exercise and relief and separate to meaningful relationships involving emotions. It is possible that because the excitement or sneaking around, the chase and doing what you are not supposed to be doing is the real reason why some men cheat and that once given permission the lustre for the urge disappears? Most men who cheat usually say they still love their wife very much which is proof that men are capable of separating emotional and physical desires.
I am not of course excluding women as cheats from the equation but it is usually the case that the woman needs to feel emotionally attracted to a man before she is able to feel sexually attracted to him and it is often true that women who cheat in relationships have long term affairs rather than short flings as they grow more and more emotionally attached to the man usually seeking emotional chemistry that her committed relationship is failing to give her anymore. So it would be fair to say that anyone who cheats in a relationship is doing it because they are seeking something that their current relationship is no longer giving them, whether it be sexual or emotional needs and desires.
Esther Vilar received death threats from her book “The Manipulated man” where her comical theory that women manipulate men to be their slaves, to go to work to pay to keep her and her children in exchange for keeping the home and offering herself to him when he desires. But Esther’s theory does not work out fair if the woman is not regularly on offer to her man? Plenty of feminists would argue that women do not need men to keep and provide for them but if you look back to the cave times you will see that man and woman did need each other. The man went out to hunt for meat and the woman, as the gatherer, gathered fruit and cared for the children and cared for her man on his return. Man would also protect his family from beasts. So without modern society in our natural make up this was how it worked. But were their relationships monogamous? Or did they all have a swap and change in the darkness of their caves?
A friend pointed out to me that the desire for sex is the body’s way of telling us to make babies. The modern day woman is attracted to a man who is bigger than herself as a sign that he is strong and able to protect and provide for her and their children, like the cave man used to do, and men are attracted to women with a womanly curvy body and nice meaty breasts but what men don’t realise, probably because the blood has rushed from his heads down to another member of his body at that point, is that he is attracted to a skinny waist as it makes the hips look broader and more accommodating for childbearing and big breasts are more appealing as they are more than capable than feeding the children that she bares for him. Scary isn’t it? That our sexual urges are actually urges to procreate. Maybe this explains the men who sleep around as they are going around spreading their seed like many of the worlds creatures do. Fish go around spraying and fertilizing any eggs he finds laying at the bottom of the sea and birds stay monogamous for one mating season. When watching the animal documentaries it is apparent that courtship and approaches are the male’s responsibility.
There was an interesting discussion in the final ultimate big brother house When Victor argued how human’s were one of the only species who is expected to stay monogamous and almost all other species simply go around doing their thing.
Is this why many men and women seek “chemistry” with another, a sexual chemistry before they believe that they have found ‘The One’? because selfishly being satisfied with the chemistry they imagine they would be capable of having sex with only that “One” person for the rest of their lives. Does this chemistry ever last? When screaming babies, financial struggles, day to day stresses and each others annoying little habits begin to grate on them and they see them in a different light where the chemistry finds it a hard job to surface. Committed relationships do need a lot of work and it is obvious the bedroom antics are an important one to keep an eye on in order to save a wandering eye from either party.
It is indeed a very interesting debate as I am sure you will agree and food for thought. Has society made us believe that we should keep sex within a relationship sacred? or is it simply a matter of whatever works best for the individuals and consent to open sexual relationships works best for some? Maybe the idea of allowing meaningless sex outside a relationship is the real secret to a happy relationship? Or is the key effective communication of the need to have our desires met and our partner’s willingness to fill them?
I don’t know! but one thing I am concrete on is that men are sexual creatures and if I want to keep my man from straying away from home, however emotionally meaningless it may be, I intend to try me best to satisfy and maintain his desires for myself, thank you very much.
Tuesday 20 July 2010
Thursday 24 June 2010
Review of "Girls' Night Out" at the Orchard Theatre Dartford
“Girls’ Night Out” By Dave Simpson was one of the best shows I have seen in a long while.
Not only because it is set mainly in a male strip club (wink wink nudge nudge), flitting between a group of girls on a hen night and a male strip team called ‘Feast of Flesh’ in their locker room, but also the obvious shenanigans when in came to performances including cowboys, captains and firemen.
Alongside the laugh out loud comedy and storyline I left the theatre satisfied that I had just experienced everything that all the best shows could offer. From laughter, shock, tease and relief this is an overall package theatre show guaranteed not to disappoint.
The men’s locker room banter was hilariously outrageous although the women’s banter certainly gave the men a run for their money.
The cast were excellent, choreography was brilliant as I was impressed how the cast were choreographed and incorporated in the scene changes.
My favourite most side splitting scene was the image of nothing but four bright white thongs thrusting in the dark.
This is a show that all girls must go and see and for any guys who wish to learn a trick or two to impress the Mrs at home.
I loved it so much I want to go and see it all over again. I could not help but think “Girls’ night out” is a show fit for the west end!!!
Not only because it is set mainly in a male strip club (wink wink nudge nudge), flitting between a group of girls on a hen night and a male strip team called ‘Feast of Flesh’ in their locker room, but also the obvious shenanigans when in came to performances including cowboys, captains and firemen.
Alongside the laugh out loud comedy and storyline I left the theatre satisfied that I had just experienced everything that all the best shows could offer. From laughter, shock, tease and relief this is an overall package theatre show guaranteed not to disappoint.
The men’s locker room banter was hilariously outrageous although the women’s banter certainly gave the men a run for their money.
The cast were excellent, choreography was brilliant as I was impressed how the cast were choreographed and incorporated in the scene changes.
My favourite most side splitting scene was the image of nothing but four bright white thongs thrusting in the dark.
This is a show that all girls must go and see and for any guys who wish to learn a trick or two to impress the Mrs at home.
I loved it so much I want to go and see it all over again. I could not help but think “Girls’ night out” is a show fit for the west end!!!
Saturday 8 May 2010
How do we love?
Different people show love in different ways. Different people also like to be loved in different ways.
The ways in which a person likes to love another and how they prefer to be loved by others depends on a number of different factors including past experiences, upbringing and the feelings that they attach to the gifts of love!
There are 5 different love languages which are gifts of love that a person gives to another as an expression of love.
They are:
1: Words
2: Touch
3: Gifts of materialistic value
4: Acts of service
5: Quality time spent together
Words include nice kind words of any form. Any words that make the person they are being said to feel nice and good about themselves are in affect making that person feel loved. It is not just a simple "I love you" although this does of course mean a lot. They can be said verbally, via email, text message, written in a letter and even on facebook but nothing makes more of an impact than verbally in person as around 95% of all communication is non verbal, they are in the body language and tone of voice which can not be captured if the person is not there in front of you.
Touch includes a cuddle, a kiss, to hold hands whilst out in public, to wipe a smudge off their face, to pick a bit of fluff out of their hair, to treat them to a soothing massage after a stressful day and of course a little slap and tickle, wink wink nudge nudge ;-) The human touch can have such an impact on another being as there are so many sensory nerves that are situated in the layers of the skin.
Gifts of materialistic value of course include anything materialistic that is given to a person. A bunch of flowers and chocolates, a new handbag, new shoes, to buy dinner for them or to make something with their own hands probably would mean a little more as it has included the time and effort and the thought involved in making it. Gifts like these should always be acknowledged and appreciation shown.
Acts of service include doing something for another. To iron their clothes, to cut the garden, to cook a meal, to wash their clothes, to make a telephone call on their behalf, to fix their car. You get my gist, it is to help or do things for them in any way. These actions should also be acknowledged and appreciation show or else the person giving them will feel exhausted and drained and may resent doing them and could withold doing them in the future.
And finally quality time together means to sit down and talk about your day and to really listen to the other while they talk. To do anything where your undevided time and attention are devoted to the other person.
When a person is able to analyze how they like to be loved they are able to communicate to another how that person can love them in a way that is best received by them.
The same can also go for analyzing how we like to love others.
If, for example, a woman likes to care for and look after and cook and clean for her man as a way of loving him but he prefers to have a kiss and a cuddle to make him feel loved then conflict can easily arise and he can feel unloved by her.
The same goes for the man who buys his woman lots of presents and flowers when all she wants is quality time and to hear words from him that express his love for her!
To give love to another in a way in which they do not prefer to recieve it is like speaking German to an Englishman. Quite clearly they will not understand it and are unable to translate it.
So I challenge you all to look at the list of love languages and tick which you like to receive and which you like to give.
If you do this with your partner then it is clear to see what you can give more of and perhaps what they could acknowledge and appreciate more of in your ways of loving them.
Love is only well received in any form if the recipient likes to receive it in the way in which it is being given???
Food for thought me thinketh!!
The ways in which a person likes to love another and how they prefer to be loved by others depends on a number of different factors including past experiences, upbringing and the feelings that they attach to the gifts of love!
There are 5 different love languages which are gifts of love that a person gives to another as an expression of love.
They are:
1: Words
2: Touch
3: Gifts of materialistic value
4: Acts of service
5: Quality time spent together
Words include nice kind words of any form. Any words that make the person they are being said to feel nice and good about themselves are in affect making that person feel loved. It is not just a simple "I love you" although this does of course mean a lot. They can be said verbally, via email, text message, written in a letter and even on facebook but nothing makes more of an impact than verbally in person as around 95% of all communication is non verbal, they are in the body language and tone of voice which can not be captured if the person is not there in front of you.
Touch includes a cuddle, a kiss, to hold hands whilst out in public, to wipe a smudge off their face, to pick a bit of fluff out of their hair, to treat them to a soothing massage after a stressful day and of course a little slap and tickle, wink wink nudge nudge ;-) The human touch can have such an impact on another being as there are so many sensory nerves that are situated in the layers of the skin.
Gifts of materialistic value of course include anything materialistic that is given to a person. A bunch of flowers and chocolates, a new handbag, new shoes, to buy dinner for them or to make something with their own hands probably would mean a little more as it has included the time and effort and the thought involved in making it. Gifts like these should always be acknowledged and appreciation shown.
Acts of service include doing something for another. To iron their clothes, to cut the garden, to cook a meal, to wash their clothes, to make a telephone call on their behalf, to fix their car. You get my gist, it is to help or do things for them in any way. These actions should also be acknowledged and appreciation show or else the person giving them will feel exhausted and drained and may resent doing them and could withold doing them in the future.
And finally quality time together means to sit down and talk about your day and to really listen to the other while they talk. To do anything where your undevided time and attention are devoted to the other person.
When a person is able to analyze how they like to be loved they are able to communicate to another how that person can love them in a way that is best received by them.
The same can also go for analyzing how we like to love others.
If, for example, a woman likes to care for and look after and cook and clean for her man as a way of loving him but he prefers to have a kiss and a cuddle to make him feel loved then conflict can easily arise and he can feel unloved by her.
The same goes for the man who buys his woman lots of presents and flowers when all she wants is quality time and to hear words from him that express his love for her!
To give love to another in a way in which they do not prefer to recieve it is like speaking German to an Englishman. Quite clearly they will not understand it and are unable to translate it.
So I challenge you all to look at the list of love languages and tick which you like to receive and which you like to give.
If you do this with your partner then it is clear to see what you can give more of and perhaps what they could acknowledge and appreciate more of in your ways of loving them.
Love is only well received in any form if the recipient likes to receive it in the way in which it is being given???
Food for thought me thinketh!!
Saturday 1 May 2010
Friday 9 April 2010
Interview with Mark Little aka Joe Mangel from neighbours
I was privilege to interview Mark Little better known to us for his role as Joe Mangel in Neighbours and as the presenter of channel 4s “The Big Breakfast” when he replaced Chris Evans in 1994.
T: when and how did you decide that you wanted to get into acting?
M: it was at school really. I wanted to play sports for Australia really but that didn’t happen, I wasn’t sporty enough. I went to a country high school, so you sort of did everything, you'd be in the footy team, the debating team and then you would do a play at the end of the year. I was naturally good at acting and a few teachers said I should apply to go into acting school which I did and I got in. It was a posh acting school and was pretty prestigious and it was funny because I was this boy from the bush in the middle of all these actors. After three years when I left the Australian television scene was really healthy and I got a lot of film and television work so it sort of happened from school really.
T: so you just sort of fell into it
M: sort of yeah, ‘Monty Python’ was really big and I was sort of funny in school, I was the clown
T: you’ve just answered one of my later questions now I was going to ask 'you do comedy roles really easily, are you naturally funny?’ It must be very rewarding to make people laugh?
M: I love it, it is really important to me which is one of the joys of doing ‘Defending the Caveman’ people laugh so hard you cant beat it, especially in these times, we are in hard times
T: we have become a very negative society and I think it is really sad
M: everything is a bit cynical and that’s the thing about this play, its not cynical, it’s good honest adult humour without being offensive. And that’s why it is so attractive to people. They leave feeling really good that they have bothered to come out, and that they have bothered to be in a relationship and that I am able to help them recognize that they have bothered makes me feel really good. I feel like I am doing my bit
T: good for mankind
M: yeah (laughter)
*“Created and performed by Rob Becker in San Francisco in 1991, the show, which was awarded the prestigious honour when Mark took the role at the Apollo Theatre in 2000, is the longest running solo play in Broadway history. With hysterical observations into contemporary feminism, masculine sensitivity and the erogenous zones, ‘Defending the Caveman’ has both the sexes roaring with laughter and recognition as they identify themselves in the tales being told. In short, it mines the common themes in relationships that go straight through the funny bone through to the heart.”
T: you first performed the show ten years ago, when you first performed it how was it to do a whole play solo, did you ever forget your lines or have to improvise?
M: the very first night I performed it was actually the first time I did it the whole way through without stopping. It was terrifying, but now I’ve got it under my belt and I’ve been able to change, update and upgrade it to make it more fun so it’s a really good piece of theatre
T: has it got a bit of you in it?
M: yeah, definitely, the play is written about a man and his relationship with his wife and I have been married to my wife Cath for 28years, I’ve thrown a sort of invisible character into the play, my wife, and she also directed it. I think it’s a lot more exciting, a bit more theatre, a bit more fun and playful. It’s a weird old play, its not stand up and its not theatre, but its sort of a bit of both. a bit of a mongrel, a bit of a hybrid.
T: I believe that everyone has a natural creative talent which unfortunately isn’t always discovered and encouraged. I’m interested to know how you did academically at school? Were you creative?
M: I was creative but I was also a bit of a bright spark. I think you have to have the right teacher. I had a really great English teacher he was great, I was really lucky. He was a Yorkshire man. There was a few English teachers at our school in Australia at that time it was terrific, we had a Geordie, a Yorkshire man and a Londoner. The Geordie taught us science, we couldn’t understand a thing he said but he was really funny
T: did anyone really motivate and encourage you to peruse your acting?
M: yes, I had some great mentors, the main one was my English teacher. Unfortunately I didn’t discover maths until a bit later when I got a good teacher and I realised that maths wasn’t as hard and boring as they made out. I think with the right teachers anyone can do anything. I was lucky that my English teacher was into debating and public speaking and he helped me with all of that as well as with my writing. I think that if you don’t get that good teacher in your life you're lost
T: you always remember your best teacher and your worst teacher, always
M: yes you do. I feel sorry for teacher because they have such a hard and important job to do and they don’t seem to be given much support. Having to follow the curriculum’s mean they are not allowed to express themselves as teachers and as communicators and teach the kids the best way that they can and make learning fun
T: they also have a lot to deal with especially when some children are demonstrating behavioural difficulties. So they not only have to teach they have to help some children deal with their emotions with what might be going on at home, it’s a huge responsibility.
M: yes it is huge and I can’t help but blame the parents. I think parenting has got lazier as we have moved into the 21st century, some parents are expecting everyone else to look after their kids and sort their kids out when really mum and dad should be on top of it
T: I agree as the parent’s have the most impact on a child. I think they should teach parents how to be parents
M: well yeah, in some countries you have to have a licence to have a dog. Once upon a time, because we used to live with our grandmas and granddads there used to be the extended family with aunties and uncles and lots of people helping out. It’s less and less of that in the modern society where everyone is just out on their own and doing it by themselves. It’s just impossible, kids need a tribe of people to look after and raise them and it has just got harder and harder and things are going to have to change. I think it will be when we run out of petrol that things will change and we will go back to the old school way of doing things in our local community but until then I think we are just running head long into a brick wall
T: when do you feel was your big break?
M: my big break? I don’t think I’ve really had it yet
T: oh, behave, everyone knows who you are. Everyone remembers you as Joe Mangle
M: that’s right, that is the most famous thing I’ve done but it didn’t give me any breaks, it just got in the way, I haven’t had any acting work since Joe on the telly and film because everyone just thinks I’m a funny gardener so he actually got in my way and it’s taken me a while for people to get over Joe Mangle and let Mark Little the actor do his thing, but that has slowly happened over the last 15 or 20 years since and doing things like ’Defending the Caveman’ has shown people my acting skills. I’m also working on another piece which is a one man play being performed in the middle of the year in London which will remind people that I am an actor and not a gardener
T: you were very memorable on the ‘The Big Breakfast‘ everyone remembers you from that
M: yeah thanks, that was a great job, that was really my sense of humour, it was like chaos.
T: people saw your personality and you as a person
M: yes that was brilliant, Joe Mangel helped me there. I think that might have been my big break. ‘The Big Breakfast’ suited my sense of humour and I was a jolly farmer and there’s not many farmers that get a chance on English television early in the morning. It was such an English thing but because of Joe Mangel I seemed to have won people’s trust and they let me be on the show with Gabby and do my crazy thing. Yes, I’d say you're right, thank you for bringing that up
T: I think they should bring it back. We should get a petition going to bring back ‘the big breakfast‘ I loved it, I used to watch it every morning. It was the reason I got out of bed in the morning
M: oh, it was perfect wasn’t it? people who hadn’t even gone to bed were watching it and people who were just getting out of bed in the morning. It was a little tradition that this country had like ‘Tiswas’ and it’s famous for that kind of telly but we haven’t had it for a while. I’m thinking of something very similar but late night to replace those late night gambling shows and do a live telly show like ‘The Big Breakfast’ but a live late show. It could be for when people are getting in from the clubs at around two in the morning. Yeah that’s the one I’m putting forward and I would put my hand up and say I’m up for that
T: well if you want a fellow presenter you know where to find me
M: Yes Tal
(laughter)
T: It’s been really lovely talking to you Mark I really appreciate your time. I could carry on talking all day as I’m a right chatterbox
(laughter)
M: you've got to come and see the show
T: I most definitely will Mr Little
M: ah, that would be cool, so what is this magazine your writing for?
T: its Dartford Living Magazine, its one of the many creative things I do. For me its a creative expression, I just need to get it out in any form that I can
M: cool, I’m very much the same, I’ve got to get it out of the system, somehow
T: better out than in I always say
(laughter)
‘Defending the Caveman’ is showing at The Orchard Theatre in Dartford between 9th-11th May as well as lots more other locations and venues nationwide check out www.defendingthecaveman.co.uk for details
(this was extracted from www.defendingthecaveman.co.uk)
Monday 5 April 2010
All men need a mummy!!!!
Something that has always concerned me is that of men and their incapacity to become emotionally attached, or perhaps it was just the ones I seemed to attract, lol.
Women!!!!......all we seem to say is how men are unable to commit on an emotional level or communicate their emotions and feelings clearly. I feel sorry for the men as they really do seem to get the brunt of our outrage as if it is ALL their fault!!!
But now I beg to differ and I have well and truly got the man dem's back.
On reading a book on raising boys to help me as a single mother to raise my own
son to become a well adjusted young man, it explains how boys need certain things at certain times in their childhood.
From age 0-6 they need the love from their mother who will show them that the world is a beautiful welcoming place to be in. He will need strong love and security.
From the ages of 6-14 is when the boy wants to be a man, a big boy. He will look to his father to set an example and should develop playfulness and kindness and become comfortable about being male.
Between the ages of 14 to adult the boy will need input from external male mentors to find his place as a man within the world and the adult community.
It is very important that throughout all of these stages the boys mother expresses warmth and affection towards him and helps the boy to understand and express his emotions clearly. If she is not around or unable to do this the boy will shut down that part of him that connects with his emotional mother and he will grow up to become emotionally restricted and have trouble expressing warmth or tenderness to his own children and partner. All very uncool stuff with a rippling effect I'm sure you will agree.
What these men then need as adults is to find a woman who can help them to feel emotional again. They technically need a woman who can re-parent them and help them to understand, re-connect with and communicate their emotions. But unfortunately because many of us women are brought up with our father's who are emotionally disconnected and who do not show us the correct security, warmth and tenderness as children we look towards the man in our life to fill what we missed out on as little girls and we completely miss the whole picture. We are looking for a daddy whilst the man in our life is looking for a mummy!
OK, you can argue that "why should it be the woman who see's the whole picture, why can it not be the man?" and my answer would be that it takes someone to be the adult in all situations and playing tit for tat gets us nowhere. Women make natural mothers. They grow up with baby dolls and their natural body chemical make up creates a connection with their child as they are the ones who grow them and give birth to them, so it is much easier for a woman to be a mother than it is for a man to be a father.
It is desired that a man be a man but all men still need a mummy and I believe that as women and natural mothers, instead of cursing them for being emotionally stunted and disconnected how about we fill this motherly role and help them reconnect and show warmth, affection and love to our men and then they will repay us by making us the number one woman in their lives and will then naturally become the secure, warm and tender man we desire.
A win win situation all round.
Please note this does not make sense with violent, controlling, very disturbed men who do not just need a mother they need a therapist!!! In these cases if it is causing you any distress and it is unhealthy for you to stick around then the best thing to do is to get out of there.... FAST.
Women!!!!......all we seem to say is how men are unable to commit on an emotional level or communicate their emotions and feelings clearly. I feel sorry for the men as they really do seem to get the brunt of our outrage as if it is ALL their fault!!!
But now I beg to differ and I have well and truly got the man dem's back.
On reading a book on raising boys to help me as a single mother to raise my own
son to become a well adjusted young man, it explains how boys need certain things at certain times in their childhood.
From age 0-6 they need the love from their mother who will show them that the world is a beautiful welcoming place to be in. He will need strong love and security.
From the ages of 6-14 is when the boy wants to be a man, a big boy. He will look to his father to set an example and should develop playfulness and kindness and become comfortable about being male.
Between the ages of 14 to adult the boy will need input from external male mentors to find his place as a man within the world and the adult community.
It is very important that throughout all of these stages the boys mother expresses warmth and affection towards him and helps the boy to understand and express his emotions clearly. If she is not around or unable to do this the boy will shut down that part of him that connects with his emotional mother and he will grow up to become emotionally restricted and have trouble expressing warmth or tenderness to his own children and partner. All very uncool stuff with a rippling effect I'm sure you will agree.
What these men then need as adults is to find a woman who can help them to feel emotional again. They technically need a woman who can re-parent them and help them to understand, re-connect with and communicate their emotions. But unfortunately because many of us women are brought up with our father's who are emotionally disconnected and who do not show us the correct security, warmth and tenderness as children we look towards the man in our life to fill what we missed out on as little girls and we completely miss the whole picture. We are looking for a daddy whilst the man in our life is looking for a mummy!
OK, you can argue that "why should it be the woman who see's the whole picture, why can it not be the man?" and my answer would be that it takes someone to be the adult in all situations and playing tit for tat gets us nowhere. Women make natural mothers. They grow up with baby dolls and their natural body chemical make up creates a connection with their child as they are the ones who grow them and give birth to them, so it is much easier for a woman to be a mother than it is for a man to be a father.
It is desired that a man be a man but all men still need a mummy and I believe that as women and natural mothers, instead of cursing them for being emotionally stunted and disconnected how about we fill this motherly role and help them reconnect and show warmth, affection and love to our men and then they will repay us by making us the number one woman in their lives and will then naturally become the secure, warm and tender man we desire.
A win win situation all round.
Please note this does not make sense with violent, controlling, very disturbed men who do not just need a mother they need a therapist!!! In these cases if it is causing you any distress and it is unhealthy for you to stick around then the best thing to do is to get out of there.... FAST.
Thursday 1 April 2010
Monday 15 March 2010
Jordan Votes Maddie Ford a winner!!!
Whilst I was sifting through all my tear sheets and clippings to add to my website I stumbled across this little treasure from the max power bikini babe competition I entered many years back.
The judges of the competition were Jordan and Tim Westwood and you will never guess who they chose as the winner!!!!!!! Only a young Miss Maddie Ford!!!!!!
I remember the day like it was yesterday, Jordan doing her famous attention seeking act on stage shouting out foul things like "get ya tits out girls" and I remember Maddie getting lots of attention by the max power stand with the encouragement of a manger in tow.
It seems Maddie has been chasing a piece of Jordan style limelight for a long time kiss and tell on Jordan's ex Peter Andre must really make her feel like the cat who got the cream.
I'm the tall girl in the purple bikini two girls to the left of Maddie in the line up in the bottom left picture on the second page in case your wondering!!!!
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