Hey, it's OK.....

I Love this little piece in company magazine!
Short and sweet and sure made me smile :-)

Grazia feedback "Can we ever forgive domestic violence"

I read this article in this weeks Grazia which inspired me to send some feedback which I would like to post on my blog page. I'm sure some willo find it controvercial but ever the outspoken woman I will share my opinions anyway and show my appreciation that we live in a world where different individuals can have their difference's of opinions and still live happily alongside each other. I do love a god debate or two, or three or four hahaha:......

I'd like to give my controversial opinion on this weeks conversation "can you ever forgive domestic violence?" I don't agree with violence from men but as a psychologist I can attempt to understand!

Any behaviour is learned or programmed and when someone has an undesirable behaviour in order to halt it the behaviour has to be unlearned or past issues and influences need to be addressed by a professional!

I guess many would say I am not in a position to be opinionated as I have never suffered domestic violence but I am strong minded in that I am solid in my belief that if I ever did I would be out of the door straight away, the same way as when I discovered an ex had cheated on me then the relationship was swiftly brought to an end. In the same case as girls who's guys cheat on them and they take them back again and again and he cheats again and again what message is she sending to the cheater "it's ok to cheat on me because I will take you back" I can understand giving anyone a second chance but a third, fourth, fifth and so on is inviting trouble. My controversial opinion is that the same goes for violence in relationships, if they can get away with it once their patterns of behaviour are okayed and they possess no real desire to change, why would they?

Women who stay in violent relationships can be accused of being as much to blame as the violent men and in affect in need of professional help also to address the past and internal influences that warrant their own reasoning in staying and being subjected to such treatment. What psychological issues tell them they deserve what they allow to happen to them again and again? I have whitnessed numerous times a good few friends who have suffered violent relationships, who are still in the relationship over ten years down the line. Their guys are not as violent physically but their anger at times still remains and my concern is the affect it could have on the children in the relationship!

I think Rihanna did the best thing she could have done at the time and the public judgement I imagine was hugely influential and I'm wondering if in normal circumstances she may have taken him back at the time had it not been for the media pressure. I think Chris has learned a huge lesson, most violent men hide their sins in silence with the abused women lying and hiding the real reasons for their cuts and bruises. If their behaviour had been outed for all to see perhaps they would see the error of their ways sooner, be shamed and shocked into a change in their learned behaviour pattern.

Only Rihanna and Chris know the full extent of what brought him to his outburst and if so long down the line Rihanna can forgive him then I would say who are we to judge!

Let and let live I say, maybe she can forgive but she will never forget, neither of them can because there's a whole lot of opinionated people out there busy enough to not allow it!!